Monday, November 5, 2012

Example of Cognitive Dysfunction/Need for Renewal

If you have already read today's post, you would have noticed several errors in agreement or I left a word out.  I read it when I wrote it, and I did not see the errors.  However, I have also noticed that I have read a couple of things wrong today that I did not write, but when I glanced at them again, I saw the right words.  For instance, I wanted dried cranberries from my pantry today, but all I saw were the words cherries on both packages.  I turned around and looked again, and I saw cranberries on one.  I think this is an excellent example of cognitive dysfunction, which can happen when someone is more ill than usual or stressed.  I have had to be very careful to focus on one thing at a time, because my thoughts feel scattered. It is disconcerting when it happens, because I don't always have this symptom as strongly as I do now.  

I hope you know that even though I don't know all my readers, I deeply care that in some way your lives are affected for good by reading this blog, which I consider my home blog--or that you are blessed by one of my other blogs.  I love writing the blogs, which I consider not only a ministry, but also fulfillment of one of my dreams.  However, I am finding they do take a lot of time and energy, so I'm trying to learn to be more efficient in this area, but I am not there yet.

Most of you know I undertook my own challenge to try to do  Flylady's 31 Beginner Babysteps.  I knew it might take longer, and I thought I would be able to finish by Wednesday;  however, I have made the decision to go back to Day 24 today, and try to work on this everyday until I am finished.  Of course, one is never "finished" with housework:  the repetitive stuff of daily living always reoccurs.  Therefore, I am going to leave my blogs until last everyday this week.  There may be some days I don't write.  I do not know.  However, I know I need to have order here in my household, which is better than it was; but, I have not had energy to do what I was doing during the summer and early fall. 

I need to explore why I don't have the energy.  Is it the blogging?  I like to get them right, and I feel I owe it to you to give you a quality blog.  Is it because I am sitting too much?  I wasn't too successful with timing myself on blogging.  My mind has felt almost overfull at times with the needs of things to do.  Is it because I have forgotten to take all my supplements sometimes, even though I took the time to put them in a container for the week.  Am I being lazy sometimes?  Yes, I that thought still occurs in my mind sometimes.  Maybe, it is the insecurity that comes with chronic illness that breeds that question.  I have a highly developed sense of commitment, and it has been difficult coming to the realization I cannot do everything I think is important.  

Therefore, I can understand why people that do not understand the nature of my illnesses cannot understand why I have difficulty doing things that I once did.  For instance, even though I have tried, I cannot seem to get back into going to church every Sunday.  I believe this is an important thing for Hebrews 10:25 tells believers  not to forsake assembling together.  Corporate worship is an important element in the Christian life, as are teaching, preaching, and the ordinances of worship.  It makes me sad to miss this.  I have always wanted to be at worship, since I was a young child.  In fact, I have always been in a choir since I was 6 years old.  However, my sleep problems, the fibromyalgia, and the chronic fatigue syndrome have severely interfered with this part of my life. Moreover, I also believe that being a Christian is not just a Sunday exercise.  There should be communion with God in my daily life, wherever I am, so I do that.  But I am missing being active in my church and community.  If you would like to pray for me to be able to be able to worship and fellowship more with believers in my community, I would greatly appreciate that.

I will try to write one blog everyday this week, but I am not sure which ones are going to get the attention.  Maybe, I will spread it out.  However, I am not making any promises for this is going to be a week of spiritual renewal and concentrating on my household.  I think next Monday, the 12th of November will be day 31 on my babysteps.  I am going to have to take this one day at a time.  I am praying for strength and wisdom.

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It's always lovely hearing from you. xoxo, Deborah