Thursday, September 19, 2013

When Depression Hits

Depression is  a word that evokes uncomfortable memories for me.  For some people, it means they feel a little off or blue.  But the depression I am thinking of is a numbing, painful, I want to get away from myself.  The kind I am talking about hits at the heart of my motivation, and I used to feel  this way for day on end.  This description only gets to the basics of how depression feels, but when it hits, I have to wait it out.

Sometimes, I can force myself to do things around the house or get outside;  and sometimes I can avoid feeling it by reading.  It is still there, but my mind is off it.  I have done visualizations if it had to do with anxiety, as well as exercises that relax muscles.  I used to go on a good run, which raises endorphins.  How I miss that solution.  I sometimes wonder if my doctor would ever believe I was a slim runner, walker, hiker, tennis player, swimmer, dancer type.  How I miss being able to do those things.

Anyhow, every once in a while, I wake up and as the morning progresses, I realize I am depressed.  It used to happen all the time.  I am thankful it has not been that way much, not since I found out I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and have gotten treatment for it.  I wonder why this happens out of the blue;  but now, I feel a bit suspicious;  because I have not been as careful about taking my supplements.  I've been too busy with other things, and the supplements are usually what suffer.  Why I let this happen is beyond me, when I know they make a difference.

Perhaps, the reason I easily let the supplements go is that I do not remember to take them, unless I refill the weekly container, a job I dislike.  Maybe, it goes back to my dislike of taking pills.  I really don't know.  But that is one job on which I tend to procrastinate. 

Today, I finally had to take a pill for anxiety, and I had to go back to bed.  Sometimes, that helps me wait it out.  I also prayed for release from this, and asked God to surround me with His hedge of protection.  Hopefully, I will be back on track tomorrow.  I feel better tonight.

One supplement I will be taking everyday, which I have been leaving off is my fish oil.  I have heard it spoken of as soothing to the brain.  Whether it is or not, I seem to feel better when I take it everyday.  I know there has been research done on fish oil and depression with positive outcomes.  It certainly cannot hurt to take it.

Finally, I know this too shall pass, as it has in the past.  Tomorrow, I am hoping I will be able to feel more normal and I will be able to do things that need to be done, or even get out of the house on a jaunt somewhere, a mini-holiday.  The plethora of things, people have to deal with who have Fibromyalgia and ME/CFS seems to be never-ending.  Sometimes, we feel more normal, sometimes not.  It is literally a matter of flowing as the tide flows--our own seemingly crazy, dismal, prolonged illnesses. 

How I thank God for His joy that returns to me, and the realization this depression will not last.  It has hit before and gone.  I will wait it out like I have done so many times before.  Working through will be something I can do, now that I have gotten over the surprise of it blanketing me in gloom. There is joy in the morning.

It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.  They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness  (KJV, Lamentations 3:22-23).

No comments:

Post a Comment

It's always lovely hearing from you. xoxo, Deborah