Depression is a word that evokes uncomfortable memories for me. For some people, it means they feel a little off or blue. But the depression I am thinking of is a numbing, painful, I want to get away from myself. The kind I am talking about hits at the heart of my motivation, and I used to feel this way for day on end. This description only gets to the basics of how depression feels, but when it hits, I have to wait it out.
Sometimes, I can force myself to do things around the house or get outside; and sometimes I can avoid feeling it by reading. It is still there, but my mind is off it. I have done visualizations if it had to do with anxiety, as well as exercises that relax muscles. I used to go on a good run, which raises endorphins. How I miss that solution. I sometimes wonder if my doctor would ever believe I was a slim runner, walker, hiker, tennis player, swimmer, dancer type. How I miss being able to do those things.
Anyhow, every once in a while, I wake up and as the morning progresses, I realize I am depressed. It used to happen all the time. I am thankful it has not been that way much, not since I found out I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and have gotten treatment for it. I wonder why this happens out of the blue; but now, I feel a bit suspicious; because I have not been as careful about taking my supplements. I've been too busy with other things, and the supplements are usually what suffer. Why I let this happen is beyond me, when I know they make a difference.
Perhaps, the reason I easily let the supplements go is that I do not remember to take them, unless I refill the weekly container, a job I dislike. Maybe, it goes back to my dislike of taking pills. I really don't know. But that is one job on which I tend to procrastinate.
Today, I finally had to take a pill for anxiety, and I had to go back to bed. Sometimes, that helps me wait it out. I also prayed for release from this, and asked God to surround me with His hedge of protection. Hopefully, I will be back on track tomorrow. I feel better tonight.
One supplement I will be taking everyday, which I have been leaving off is my fish oil. I have heard it spoken of as soothing to the brain. Whether it is or not, I seem to feel better when I take it everyday. I know there has been research done on fish oil and depression with positive outcomes. It certainly cannot hurt to take it.
How I thank God for His joy that returns to me, and the realization this depression will not last. It has hit before and gone. I will wait it out like I have done so many times before. Working through will be something I can do, now that I have gotten over the surprise of it blanketing me in gloom. There is joy in the morning.