In With the Positive, Out With the Negative

Image Courtesy of [graur razvan ionut ]/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Routines are great.  That is one of the things that FlyLady encourages people to have;  however, chronic fatigue and illness often seems to to be the antithesis to daily rituals. When you want to forge on ahead, life seems to be an endless cycle of malaise, rest, and pushing ourselves harder than you should.  Chronic fatigue and pain from Fibromyalgia, Arthritis, and autoimmune illnesses slow you down.

One of my husband's favorite sayings is "Don't over-do."  He has seen what happens to me when I try to do too much.  The fact of the matter is I am unable to keep up the schedule I did in the past.  It took me too many years to admit that, partly because I did not understand how to work within the parameters of my illness.  It took me becoming a bedridden invalid for almost a year, before I figured out how to get stronger and pace myself better.  It also took that drop to the bottom to stop letting guilt of what I thought I should be doing go.

Not everyone reading this is at the same level of pain and fatigue.  Thirty years ago, I pushed through much of my pain and fatigue.  However, more stress and additional illnesses have taken me beyond the point that I can push myself and lead the life I did when I was younger.  FlyLady's BabySteps work for many people;  however, I admit to not being able to keep up.  I've had to learn to be flexible and work around my illness.

 It is helpful to develop your own routine:  in fact, you probably already have one.  However, I have found routines can be improved with small steps.  Decide what things work for you.  I have suggested ways to do this in previous articles.  Also, I  make suggestions on my Facebook Page, Chronic Illness and Creative Decluttering several times a week.  When I learn a new way to manage my day, I share it.  Hopefully, you will make comments, as well as sharing your ideas.  We can learn from one another.

Remember, there are not many things we use in life that are one size fits all.  I think this applies to our routines and chores as well, especially when dealing with a disability or an illness.

Finally, it takes time to make changes in your life.  Slow and sure makes a difference, even when you have a flare-up or relapse.  Habits don't change overnight, nor does clutter simply disappear.  Give yourself some positive self-talk, and throw out the negative.  It's time to find out what kind of routine works for you. 

God bless you.

Gentle Hugs,

Deborah

Tips for Jumping Back in After a Flare Or Relapse -- Day 3

The best-laid schemes o' mice an' men       The best laid schemes of mice and men

Gang aft agley...                                          Go often awry...                                   

Original                                                       Translation

The above lines were written by Robert Burns  in 1785, and included in the Kilmamock volume.

So what happens when you have only slept for six and a half hours? Does your fatigued body pop up out of the bed, and you jump right into the days activities? I  can tell you that it isn't what I do, because I am more frequently a creeper than a springer. 

Today was my second day of getting back into a routine;  however, last night, was a sleepless one for me.  I didn't fall asleep until 6 a.m., and that was after I took an herbal remedy.  Needless to say, my priorities changed today;  however, I was still able to accomplish a few things.  My main words for the day were keep activities light.  When I have a sleepless night, I am not going to force myself to do to much, so I can continue my recovery, rather than relapsing.  

From Yesterday's Blog Post - Second Day

1. Get dressed.  I am not saying you cannot clean in your pajamas, because I have been known to do that;  however, I like having on a comfortable house dress (something pretty) or comfortable jeans or skirt.  Being dressed helps you to feel ready for the day.  
2.  After dressing, rest for a few minutes.  Put your feet up.  Perhaps, you will want to make a short list of things that need to be done.  Then pick three things off that list.  Work at them no longer than 15 minutes each.  You may need to cut the time for each activity to a shorter amount, depending on your strength.  The key to getting back  into your routine is adding things gradually.    
3. Make sure you rest between each activity.  Put your feet up.  I often work or play while sitting:   ie.  reading, working on a blog post ( which can be very tiring and time consuming), eating a snack, watching TV, or simply closing your eyes for a few minutes). 
4. You have to learn to listen to your body.  That is not always easy for those of us who like to push through and finish an activity.  However, I have learned that if I take a break and go back to what I was doing, I am more likely to have the energy to do what I  need to do tomorrow. 

Day 3 - Remember you can do anything in baby steps.

1. Get dressed. Rest.  Eat breakfast and take your medicine.  (However, I admit to eating breakfast before dressing.)  It's your routine:  don't try to change everything to match someone else's ideas of how you should manage your schedule.  That can be overwhelming.  
2. List 3 chores or activities you need to accomplish for the day.
3. Work on one activity at a time for 7 to 15 minutes.  It is acceptable to spend less time on a job if necessary.  You may have to break one chore into 3 parts.  As I said before:  it depends on your strength and stamina.  We are all at different places in our lives and our illnesses.  
4. After you have worked for 15 minutes, you need to switch to a different activity.  I have been known to push on, but I usually end up feeling more drained than I should have.  Just a word about the reason for switching activities.  It helps one to stay focused on the job.  Often, I rest after the 15 minutes or do a sitting down type activity, like checking my email, checking Facebook, or writing on my blog.  Sometimes, I read.  
5. Stay hydrated.  I usually keep a glass of water nearby.  Before I sit down to rest, I usually check to make sure there is water in my glass.  Filtered water is my choice of drink, but sometimes I spice it up with lime, cucumber, and ice.

These are basic schedules.  I have not been giving you detailed lists of things to do for a couple of weeks.  I would like to work on my own "routine", and I will pass on new things that I learn.  Even though I can come up with great detailed lists of things to do and when to do them, I have found that usually does not work for me on a regular basis.  I would like to encourage habits of the month to work on;   however, I may not always come up with the habit that most important for you to improve.  

That is when you might want to be creative and choose to list your habit of the month to do daily, not mine.  I am telling you this, because I do not want you to be frustrated by trying to do things you are not strong enough to do.  If you are familiar with various ideas of how to clean and get rid of your clutter, you may have noticed that some people find a fulcrum point to focus your habits and build better ones.  This is an excellent idea, but I found my starting point needs to be the habit of "Getting Dressed."  This is what works for me.  You may find you need to start by making your bed or having 15 minutes of meditation or a devotional.  FlyLady suggests starting by "shining your sink" 

in her 31 Beginner BabySteps.  She also has a page called Getting Started.  

I adapted FlyLady's system to my needs.  I also like to read articles about how other people accomplish tasks they need to get done.  As far as I know, there is no perfect way to get the job done.  That is why I like to emphasize taking baby steps.

You and I can baby step our way through the things we need to do or want to do.  Small steps or little bites add up.  They really do.

Resting Is Doing Something

I would love to follow FlyLady's 31 Beginner Babysteps without any break in the chain of habits I am establishing;  however, that is not always possible.  Since I have Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, there are days that I do not have the energy to accomplish the things I want to do.  In fact, that was the beginning of me learning how to balance my life changes.  Now, I am dealing with hip and ball joint arthritis too, so I am glad I don't suffer from the guilt that used to consume me when I went through the months of having no energy to do anything.  The negative thoughts, which  would come into my head telling me how worthless I am.  That would fan the flames of depression, and I would get caught in a cycle that made me feel stuck and worthless.

I am so thankful for learning to speak kindly to myself.  FlyLady's acronym FLY,  finally loving yourself, is an apt description of what I am doing.  I am learning I can accomplish things in very small steps, that are appropriate to my energy level.   When I do a few minutes of one thing on my To Do List, it is reason to celebrate.  I feel like I have accomplished something, which leads me to do something else.  Some days, I have to put the brakes on, or I pay with increased pain and fatigue. 

And some days like yesterday, I have to stay off my feet because of the pain; and I let my body rest.  I push away any feelings of guilt, knowing that because of the small things I did yesterday, I am that much closer to having a clutter free house.

P.S. Why do I say, I am learning,  instead of I have learned?  For me, learning to balance my life is not something I can jump into and say I am done.  It is a process I started with very small steps.  There is no magic pill that will help me change instantly.  As much as I would like that to be true for me, it just isn't.  However, I can see that the concept of baby steps works in my life.  I can see the changes in me, and how I handle my infirmities.  It has taken several years of trial and error, of searching, and of babysteps for me to feel good about myself.  Am I doing it perfectly?  No, but I am doing it:  I am in the process of learning to balancing life changes.

Too Hot to Handle? Blocked?

I have promised myself I am going to write this blog for the 31 days I followed FlyLady's 31 Beginner's Babysteps.  However, I have deleted and started this article more than 4 times.  I love the days my blog seems to write itself:  on those days, the words seemingly flow onto the page. But today, getting started writing and getting started doing anything around the house seemed to follow the same dismal path.  I was blocked on writing, and I was procrastinating on getting my day started well -- other than eating breakfast or brunch,  which I seldom skip.  I hate feeling stuck, like I can't climb up out of the muck.

One of the cool things about using FlyLady's 31 Beginner Babysteps is that one small step tends to lead to another one. I may not be well enough to clean my house in one fell swoop, but I can peck away at it, little by little.  I didn't start first thing after I got up, but I don't have to fall into the rut that paralyzes perfectionists--the if you aren't going to do it perfectly, don't do it at all syndrome.  My Day 6 assignment was to practice putting my Hot Spot out for two minutes.  I didn't have to do more than 2 minutes, even if my cluttered spot was still messy.  Also, I was to continue doing the prior assignments (I'm building habits!)  What is a Hot Spot?  It's place in your home or office where things begin to pile. These hot spots seem to attract more objects:  clutter attracts clutter.  Mine multiplies into more than one Hot Spot; and that clutter is going to be thrown away, put away, or given away-- one piece at a time. This is a healthy step towards balancing my life. 

My FlyLady Makeover - Day 2 - Dressing to Your Shoes

This is the second day of my FlyLady Makeover--well actually this is very early in the morning after the second day of my makeover--but I had to write this, because I don't want the momentum to fade.  If I start skipping reports on whether I did the babystep of the day; I may start skipping the babysteps. If I can do all thirty-one of FlyLady's beginner's flying lessons, it will be the first time I have gone all the way through them. 

I wore those sandals out.

Today I was supposed to Get Dressed to my Shoes.  That meant I was supposed to get dressed first thing in the morning; do my hair and face; and put on moisturizer or makeup.  My shoes were supposed to be the kind that lace up.  I have to confess:  I did not do number two perfectly.  I got out of my pj's in the afternoon, after I had already done some household chores; and I did not wear shoes that lace up. I do nod to the fact that Cilley (FlyLady) is probably right, that for many people her methods are tried and true;  however, she also says that chores done imperfectly are better than not doing them.

This is what happened to me.  I had a hope, a dream, and a memory of what I could do in the past.  For years, I had this ideal of what should be done in my home, but I couldn't keep up with it.  Therefore, things kept piling up on me, because I would think about all the stuff I should be doing; and if I ever got around to doing it, I would have to hide clutter in closets and under beds.  Finally, I got to the point, that I couldn't walk if stayed on my feet and walked for too long.  The pain increased in my leg and hip, and it would take several days or weeks for me to recover enough from the Chronic Fatigue to do a little again.

So here I am, adapting FlyLady's methods to work for me; wearing supportive sandals in the summer, instead of lace-up shoes, and being satisfied with having gotten dressed in the afternoon.  And I must say, I looked smashing.  I was clean from the top of my head to my toes, my outfit was cute, and I felt good.  I even wore a little bit of makeup.  And I have done things today that amazed me:  I finally started working on my messy dining room table.  It still held paraphenalia  from a project I finished 2 or 3 weeks ago.  I made my bed before I got dressed and tidied up the master bedroom.  It looked gorgeous, just like walking into a hotel with the beautiful bed awaiting me. 

And  I did not feel at all guilty asking my husband to fix some rice and a vegetable to go with the leftover pork chops from yesterday.  Nor did he mind.  I am blessed to have a supportive husband,  If I was alone, I would have fixed a frozen dinner for my supper, because I was in pain and tired. I am happy and satisfied, because I am a few steps closer to a clean house and a beneficial routine.  Ahhh {smile & sigh}, I am still basking in the afterglow of success.