The First Christmas Supper 2012

Happy Birthday, Jesus!

Tonight is the night of the first Christmas Supper of 2012 for me.  I don't go out much anymore, so I look forward to it, but I also feel a bit of anxiety.  When my husband came home for lunch, I asked him teasingly, "Should I go for beautiful or sick tonight."  Those of you who have Fibromyalgia or/and CFIDS probably know what I was feeling when I said that.  I was thinking about those people who know church services I have missed, etc., and when they see me, I don't look sick.  And I have to say that I don't really want to look sick.  I just get frustrated when I know there are people that probably don't believe it.  I admit -- I am still afraid of being judged.  By the way, I still vote for looking the best I can look.

As much as I know about my illness, there are times I get so frustrated with myself -- I still have moments I have to let putting out energy remind me that life in the Chronic Fatigue Immune Defiency Syndrome realm is never going to be normal, unless a miracle occurs.  I wish someone would tell me why I still feel guilty about something I can't help.  I don't carry that guilt around every moment, but it hits sometimes.

There are things I could probably do if I could afford to have people to do some of the things I have to do at home.  However, I have to make a choice;  and the basic things of life need to be done.  My husband is getting older too.  When I can cook supper, wash clothes, or clean the areas in the house that need to be cleaned, I am helping him.  That is the way I can support his ministry in our church, which still makes it our ministry because I am his helpmate.  I want to sing in the choir, go to every service, play piano, sing solos and do all the things I used to do.  Sometimes, I am so sad I cannot do this, but someday I will be praising my God in Heaven with more energy than I ever had.  I will be able to dance on my toes for Him and leap in the air, and sing too.  So I praise God with all my heart that He just put this picture in my mind to share.

For all you out there that have any chronic illness:  Merry Christmas!  We do not need to fear or grieve, but praise God that in the name of Jesus, we will one day be whole.

P.S.  I won't be writing as much during the Christmas Season, but I always try to remember to post it.  I will also check into a place for you to subscribe.
Love,
Deborah

Finding the right support group has been a great encouragement for me.  I live in a small town, so there are not any support groups that fit my needs;  however, I have found sisters in the spirit with similar problems that understand what I am going through on Facebook, Spark People, and a couple of other forums on the internet.  When I first became ill, it was difficult to find anything that gave me any answers or support; and actually, answers are not always certain in some illnesses.  But just knowing someone else understands helps me to feel that I am not alone.  I have left a couple of forums in my search for the right fit.  Sometimes, it was because I was too ill to  participate.  I left one group, because the posts were becoming more and more negative and I didn't like the jokes.  

Support groups can be both informative and encouraging.   I belonged to a group on a forum, which gave personal antidotes about what it was like to have hip replacement surgery, as well as answering questions the newbies asked.  It was belonging to that group that helped me make an informed decision.  I also did research on my own and talked to my orthopedic surgeon;  but it was communicating with the group members that helped remove my fear of having the surgery.  Having a joint and hip replacement is probably one of the best things I could have done for my health at this point  in my life, for I was extremely sedentary because of the pain.   While the hip heals and because I deal with other health issues, I have taken very small steps in adding activity.  I feel better because I'm moving more, but I try not to push myself;  because, I know that I will run out of fuel for several days if I do too much.

Do I have to tell people my real name?

I can be authentic without sharing
 all information about myself on the internet.

There are forums where you can use a pseudonym, as well as social media where you can use your real name.  When you are in an online support group, which is open to the public, you don't have to share anymore than you are comfortable sharing, certainly not your real name if you are talking about personal matters.  

I hope you have found this information to be helpful.  If you are a regular internet user, then you are probably well aware of what a great tool it can be;  however, it is on-the-job training for new users.  One more thing, do not let the internet totally take over your life.  Yes, we can make friends on the social media and reconnect with old ones;  but there is more to life than spending all day on the computer. If I have a day or two away from the computer,  I actually feel like I am doing something good for myself.  I lived a very full life before I had a computer, and I don't want to feel it has taken over my life.