Family Dynamics and Holiday Visits

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Are you going to someone else's house for Thanksgiving?  Are you planning on traveling and possibly taking food you can eat with you, as well as some family favorites?  Do you have new family dynamics to deal with, such as going to your grown up child's home?  Or, maybe you are planning on visiting your parents, but mom or dad are ill.  Maybe, one parent has taken over areas that used to be dominated by the parent, who has an illness.  I am sure there are dozens of different family dynamics that we could talk about;  however, I am going to touch on a few, and we can discuss the rest over on my Facebook Page, Chronic Fatigue and Creative Decluttering.


First of all, you need to consider how far you are traveling and how.  If you are traveling in an automobile, you can consider taking food if it is not too far and you will have room in the car.  However, if you are flying that is out of the question.  Also, what you take may depend on when you plan to arrive.  If you are going for Thanksgiving weekend, are you going to arrive on the big day or prior to Thanksgiving?  This could  make a difference in whether you plan taking food or not taking food with you.

In my own case, it depends on whose house I am going to in whether I take a prepared casserole, salad, or dessert.  In the past, there was one kitchen I always felt at home in.  I knew I could go to the store, buy what I needed, and prepare some food there.  I could even prepare a whole meal if my host and hostess had no particular plans.  Let's call that Kitchen 1.

In Kitchen 2,  I knew that my nerves and the nerves of the hostess would suffer, so I contributed by helping with clean up and bringing dishes that I had made ahead.  Heating food up was no problem.  Or, my husband and I would contribute by taking the hostess out, or bringing food in from Cracker Barrel.

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In Kitchen 3, we decide who is going to make what;  and, I usually try to make things ahead.  or, I pick something up when we get there.  Also, I try to help with clean-up, such as washing the things that have to be washed by hand or loading the dishwasher.

Rules and Foibles of the Host and Hostess

1. Does your host rinse off every dish before it goes in the dishwasher?  Do it, and don't complain.  It is not worth the sorrow it causes to complain about a rule like that.  You will be frustrated and so will your host.
2. Why spend every family get together arguing about things that make little difference.  Enjoy the variety of personalities in your family.  Choose your discussions wisely.  If there must be a discussion about something that is touchy, choose the time you talk with tact and wisdom.  Also, avoid those kind of discussions during a meal.  That is a sure prescription for indigestion.
3. Does you hostess like to hang pretty little hand towels.  It's her house.  Be glad she tries to make it pretty for you.
4. Do your consider you hosts penchant for decorating a bit on the side of being a slob?  Be happy you don't have to live there, and think about a motel next time.  You could invite him or her out for a meal.  Or, maybe you could help your host by cleaning a bathroom, dusting, and vacuuming.  Make this a family affair if you have a chronic illness.  Do Not Insult Your Host or Hostess.  He will be mad, and you will feel bad.
5. Realize that we all do things differently.  Make allowances.  Be kind and stay away from snide remarks.  

Preparing Ahead of Time

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If this visit means different people will be bringing food and it is not an enormous gathering, find out ahead of time what your hostess is planning on fixing, then coordinate with other people that are coming like your sister or sister-in-law.  Maybe, your host will be the one that coordinates.  However, it is always good to plan ahead.  If you have special dietary needs, then don't expect everyone else to cater to that, unless you are blessed to have someone that already does that for you.  Plan ahead and bring something you can eat.

I am not sure I am answering all the questions that might be going through our minds at this time.  For instance, I am wondering if we should plan to stay in a hotel for one of our visits.  It would certainly help me to get the rest I need, and I would be more comfortable.  Of course, there are so many different things to consider, like how wonderful it is to share breakfast with family members or hear the voices of your grandchildren, nieces, and nephews.  You have to work this out in your own mind, according to your family's needs.




May you have many blessings and much peace as you plan your family holiday.

Deborah

Keep It Simple Holiday Cleaning Calendar

Choose one job a day to work on your
Christmas or Holiday preparation.
Image Courtesy of  [Salvatore Vuono]/
FreeDigitalPhotos.net

KISS = keep it simple sweetie!

Morning

Make bed

Take meds and supplements

Breakfast

One load of laundry

Unload dishwasher

Rest

Afternoon

Lunch

Take meds and supplements

Load dishwasher

Rest

Chore of the Day

(If you are still in the Declutter Stage, work on this for 5 to 15 minutes or this can be your chore of the day, depending on your energy level.) 

Night

Supper

Load dishwasher

Wipe kitchen counters

Rest

Pick up for 5 minutes 

   (use a basket)

Get ready for bed

Weekly

Monday:        Dust 1 or 2 rooms

Tuesday:       Clean Toilets

Wednesday:  Mid-week Planning

                       Catch up 

Thursday:      Vacuum 1 or 2 rooms (Centers)

Friday:           Mop Floors

Saturday:      Time for family to help or 

                       Just  Family Day Fun

Sunday:         Time to Meditate and Worship  






P.S.  The way to print this is to hold your left mouse button down and slide the mouse along the 
part you want to print.  It should turn blue.  Then, you click on the blue with your right button, and you will see choices like Copy and Print.  You can right click on print to print it out, or you can copy it and save to your computer.  I am printing and framing my copy.  Then, I can use a dry erase marker or a wet erase marker to check off what I have done or write down something for the day or week.

                   

The Holidays Are Just Around the Corner, and That's OK!

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Don't panic:  the holidays are just around the corner!  I'm a Christian, so I 
celebrate that Jesus Christ, whom I really do believe is the Savior of the World, has come, died on a cross (Easter), and arose from the dead.  He is actually my living savior, and I will see Him some day. 

I realize that some of you may not be Believers;  however, you may believe in God and you may like celebrating this time of the year, whatever your religion may be.  I do not hide my beliefs, because I believe that Jesus taught that he is the Way, the Truth, and the Life, and that no one can be with the Father (God), unless he or she believes in Him.

Some of the ways I like to celebrate is with bright colors, sending out cards, fixing festive food, and putting up a Christmas tree.  I use to always sing special Christmas music in church, but this year I have not had the energy to go to rehearsals.  However, I am sure I will sing carols around the house and in church services.  Different years, we have found special things to do for someone else;  as well as spending time with friends and family -- also exchanging gifts.

My early gift to you is going to be in my next post.  It's a Holiday Cleaning Calendar that you can put in a notebook, put on your refrigerator, or frame. It's free.  

Just print it out and enjoy.  

You may not do things on the same days I do, but I consider this an outline. I don't always know how I am going to feel from one day to the other, so I do what I can.  And, I do what I think is most important.  That is why I tell you to make a list.  Start with three things.

Have I mentioned that you don't have to have everything perfect or the way it used to be to enjoy your holiday?  Since I have been at the point I was most ill, I have discovered that simple is good.   

Simple is good!

May blessings abound in your lives.

Love,
                                   
Deborah

Decorating, Resting, Weight, and Shopping in One Post

Christmas Tree Decorating in Progress
Learning to Balance Life Changes

How is your energy meter?  I hope it is on, so you are able to enjoy the holidays, get something done, and rest at the same time.  We are not quite done with our tree; but then again, ornaments tend to move around as long as it's up.  There is always another angle or better place for the ornaments, especially when your labrador retriever knocks off an ornament with her tail.  Last year we didn't put up a Christmas tree, because I had surgery;  and I knew I was not going to be able to take it down after the surgery.  Furthermore, my Fibro-brain was not working well enough to think of a way to rearrange the furniture to fit in our tree.  Don't you love it when your brain is working better, so you can do the things you have been wanting to do?

Quite honestly, I am not sure where to go with today's blog post.  I am probably like most of you, trying to keep my head above water, and not get a flare-up.  Speaking of flare-ups, last week I got a cortisone shot in my right knee and it feels so much better, but I am seriously thinking of asking for one in my left knee.  Arthritis in both knees is not fun.  Actually, arthritis anywhere is not good, but such is life;  moreover, I put some serious wear and tear on my knees when I was younger.  I am thankful for the good years they gave me.

Some of you may be wondering how the green coffee extract is working for me.  So far, I do not feel any caffeine effects, which goes along with the research I did on what other people had said about GCE.  I am still keeping my food journal, also I include the time I take medicine and supplements, as well as what they are.  Now, for the good part -- I have lost four pounds!  Woohoo!  That takes me back to where I was before Thanksgiving, and I have been able to go to dinners and parties -- two of them.  However, I know of times this has been my undoing, so I am a happy lady.  By the way, moderate low-carb is keeping my blood sugar at an even keel.  That's a good thing too.

So goes the 2012 Christmas Season for me so far.  Most of the presents are ready to be wrapped, and I plan to start that soon -- one or two a day.  God bless you all at this wonderful time of year.  I pray for you to enjoy the blessings and good memories of past Christmases as well.

Also, check out what I have to say on my right sidebar about one of my favorite online shopping places who I happen to be an affiliate with.  I will give you a hint -- think of strong, tall woman, who is a warrior.  And aren't we warriors too, guys and gals?  We are fighting fibromyalgia and other chronic diseases, as well as finding ways to live our lives happily and more fully.  Merry Christmas!

Easy and Make Ahead Recipes

It's time to think about recipes.  I'm going to suggest a few that can be made several days ahead of your get-together.  And if I think of any others in the days ahead, I may add a few more.

The following is easy to make and guests go back for more.  If you have any left over, they are good for a main dish.

Easy Appetizers / Hors d'oeuvres


Easy Slow Cooker Barbecued Meatballs

2 -16 ounce packages of frozen meatballs (about 60)
1  20 ounce can of pineapple chunks undrained
1  regular sized bottle barbecue sauce (1 to 1-1/2 Cups of Sauce) I think I  
                                                         used Bulls-eye BBS) 
1  sliced or diced green bell pepper

Cook for 5 - 8 hours on low.  Slow cookers can vary in temperatures, but it would be very hard to cook these too long.  Also, if you are a creative cook you could spice these up according to your taste.  However, this is one of the easiest appetizers I have ever made.

Layered Mexican Dip

Buy a large bag of Tortilla Chips to serve along side this recipe.
All you have to do is layer the listed ingredients in the order given, then
put it in the refrigerator to heat up later or put it in the oven right away, then serve.  This is a really yummy dip.  I like it much better than the cold bean layered dip.  I put this in a 9 X 13 inch glass baking dish.

1 Can of Refried Beans (Regular Size)
Brown 1 pound Ground Beef with 1/2 Cup Chopped Onion
8 ounces Taco Sauce
1 1/2 or 2 Cups Shredded Cheese
Small Can Chopped Green Chilis (4 oz.)
Small Can Chopped Black Olives
1 Cup Sour Cream (a little tight spreading 1 cup, but can be done)
Optional:  Chopped green onion if desired

Bake at 350 degree f. for 25 minutes.  Serve with Tortilla Chips.

_____________________________________________________________

Make Ahead Dinners or Suppers

Menu

Ham, Roast, or Poultry  
      
Ham can be served cold after it is cooked.  
You could buy Whole Cooked Chicken from the Grocery Store Deli.
Or you could cook a Roast, Turkey Breast or Chicken in a Reynold's Oven Bag.  I have never had  dry meat when cooking in one of these bags.
See the directions in bags for oven temperature and cooking times.
Another choice would be cooking the meat in your slow cooker all day, but it
may be falling apart.  Remember, this is supposed to be easy.  Do what is easiest for you.  Oven Bags make clean up easier too.

Suggested seasonings:
Pork:  Garlic, Rosemary, Salt, and Pepper (Can cook this in a cooking bag too)
Chicken in the Bag:  Season inside and out.  Garlic Salt, Celery Salt, Pepper, 
                             Onion Salt, Paprika.  You can substitute Powdered Garlic
                              for Garlic Salt.  Shake seasonings on the whole chicken.
                              Follow directions for Cooking Bag.
Turkey or Turkey Breast:  You could put a cut onion and some cut stalks
                                    of celery in the cavity.  Don't fill it full.  Leave 
                                    room for heat to circulate.  Rub with butter.
                                    Salt and Pepper Turkey.

Bake sweet potatoes in oven with the main meat or poultry dish.  Serve with
butter, salt, and pepper.  Let guests butter, salt and pepper according to taste.

Or you could have Yellow Rice.  Note that most packaged yellow rice contains
MSG. 

Serve with chilled jellied and/or whole Cranberry Sauce.  Open both ends of cans for sauce to slide out in shape of can.

Possible Make Ahead Casserole for This Menu - this recipe tastes better if it sits in the refrigerator for a couple of days.  It is quite rich.

My Version of Spinach Madeleine (this is a tripled version which will fit in a 9 X
13 glass rectangular baking dish or a 3 quart casserole.  Bake without a cover. 

Ingredients
--large version for 15 to 20 people 
4 - 16 ounce bags chopped frozen spinach 
1 1/2 sticks of butter
1/4 Cup of flour plus 2 Tablespoons
1/3 finely chopped onions
1 1/3 Cups of Spinach Liquer (Juice drained from cooked Spinach)
1 - 12 ounce Can Evaporated Milk
1 Teaspoon Garlic Salt or Rounded 1/2 Teaspoon Garlic Powder
1 Teaspoon Celery Salt
1 Teaspoon Black Pepper
3 Teaspoons Worcestershire Sauce
1 3/4 Monterey Jack Pepper Cheese, cut into small chunks
1 Cup Sharp Grated Cheddar Cheese
Cayenne pepper to taste
Butter, and Breadcrumbs made with whole wheat or white bread, for topping

--regular version for 5 to 6 people fits in a 1 1/2 quart casserole
1 1/4 bag of chopped frozen spinach or 2 - 10 ounce boxes frozen spinach
1/2 stick of butter
2 tablespoons flour
2 tablespoons finely chopped onions
1/2 cup spinach liquer (juice drained from cooked spinach)
1/2 cup evaporated milk
1/2 teaspoon garlic salt or 1/4 teaspoon garlic salt
1/2 teaspoon celery salt
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
4 ounces monterey jack pepper cheese
1/3 cup sharp grated cheddar cheese
cayenne pepper to taste
Butter and Breadcrumbs, for topping


Cook spinach as directed on package; drain in strainer, reserve spinach liquid.
Melt butter in saucepan over low heat.
Whisk in flour until smooth.
Add onion; cook until soft but not brown.  Stir while cooking.
Slowly add milk and reserved spinach liquid 1/2 to 1 1/2 Cups of liquid 
     depending on how much you are making.  Stir as you add liquids.
     until sauce is smooth and thickened.
Stir in garlic salt, celery salt, pepper, Worcestershire and cheeses;  
      continue stirring until smooth.
Add Drained Spinach to Sauce, or Combine in Large Bowl.
Pour into Casserole Dish.
Make your bread crumbs with bread by tearing into small pieces. 
      Melt some butter in a saute pan and stir your bread crumbs 
      around in butter.
Spread bread crumbs over mixture in casserole dish.

If you are chilling, cool before putting in refrigerator.  Cover and leave in refrigerator one or two days.  This also freezes well.  If you use a glass casserole dish, make sure you let it come close to room temperature before putting in oven, or it might crack.  

Bake at 350 to 375 degrees for 35 minutes to 40 minutes, until bubbly.

If you are cooking in oven right away, use the cooking time below.
Bake at 350 degrees f. until heated through and bubbly, about 15 to 20 minutes.  (This recipe always tastes better after it sits in the refrigerator for one or two days.) 

Salad and Rolls could be served with this meal, but our family did not find rolls necessary.

Light Dessert  such as, Sherbet, Sorbet,  or Key Lime Pie -- delicious versions
can be bought in the grocery store.

What's Important

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Before I go any further on the subject of entertaining, I want to talk about our focus.  If our focus is on how beautiful our home is or isn't, than our focus is skewed.  If you are a Christian the focus of the season is the birth of Jesus Christ and how blessed we are that God loves us so much, He sent His Son to save the world.  Many people do not understand, nor care about this.  They just love the festivity of the season, the thoughts of peace and good will.  The thing is that we would not have those without Jesus Christ.  

I know there are religions that celebrate at this darker time of the year to bring light into their lives, but I know of no light that is stronger or more real than the one true God, His Holy Spirit, and His Son.  This is not a politically correct statement, but I told you I would be honest.  There is no way I can leave this out of the equation, because this is why I celebrate year round, not just at Christmas. Jesus was not born in a palace, but a stable:  He comes to each one of us regardless of our station in life:  rich and poor, sick and well, young and old, aristocrat and commoner, CEO of a company and CEO of a home (homemaker), whoever you are -- He came for your salvation.

I would be remiss if I did not tell you, you can be joyful and celebrate the season without decorations and fancy feasts.  You do not have to decorations, even though they are enjoyable.  If all I have is the energy to straighten up my house and do the everyday normal, I am still going to be happy.  Can you do that?  Can you take joy in what you can do, not focus on what you can't do?  What we can do is going to be different for all of us.  For many of us, this differs from year to year.

I want a Christmas tree.  I want decorations.  However, I do not know if I will accomplish this or not.  As it draws closer to Christmas, I can see that just a touch of festive decorations may be all I can manage.  I will be joyful if I have none and joyful if I have some.  I will do what I can do, and I am going to focus on why I do it.  I do it to celebrate the birth of my Savior Jesus Christ.  Now, I will go eat my late breakfast and be glad I got this straight in my own mind and heart.  What's important for you?

Finding a Way to Survive the Holidays

What is special about this tree?  Not the perfect placement
of ornaments or the symmetry of the branches.  The special
thing about this tree is my grandchildren helped Grandpa
put it up and they opened the Christmas boxes and placed
the ornaments on the tree for Grandma.  It was a joy watching
them have such fun, hearing them ooh and ahh over the
ornaments,  and not worrying about whether the tree was
decorated like I would do it.  Sure, I changed a few around
after they left and I added more.  But seeing this picture
reminds me of the joy and love we have for one another.

Is there anybody else out there having a love-hate relationship with the holiday season?    Please understand, when I say hate, it is not the holidays themselves that bring that word into my vocabulary;  because I have always loved everything about them--the true meaning of being thankful to God for blessings great and small, for the fulfillment of prophecy in Jesus being born for the sake of mankind, and celebrating with friends and family.  

I suppose it is the changes in my life that have made each year more of a struggle.  Maybe, it is because I am reminded that I cannot do things the way I used to do them.  Sometimes, I wonder how I ever prepared the great feasts for my family, sang in the choir, volunteered in the community,  baked cookies and pies, wrapped presents, and not only cared for my family--but I played with them too.  Any time I could think of a way to make a special day and meal, so they would feel loved and we would spend time together I found a way.  How often I have thanked God for the creative mind He gave me, because it has been so helpful in my life.

Actually, last night I felt like something was eating at me, but I didn't quite know what.  I tried to write and there was a barrier there;  but now, I know the barrier was my feeling of inadequacy.  And I felt guilty, because I have sat  in my recliner so much the past two weeks.  In fact, after I finished working on the new background and header for this blog, I felt almost like I was waking up from a dream.  I am sure that is from a mixture of the brain going to another place during the creative process;  moreover, my routine has been decimated from being sick.

I would like to have my house at least halfway shipshape before Christmas.  It doesn't have to be perfect, only almost perfect -- just kidding.  However, I can only do what I can do, and I am not going to let myself get in a tizzy over what I cannot control.  I cannot help being fatigued:  that's a major part of the illness of FM and CFIDS.   I have to take care of myself first, or I cannot take care of anyone else.  Is there anybody reading this, who has already had the struggle of which I write?  Are you already wanting to do the fun things like decorating that take so much energy, but you dread being more tired or giving out entirely?  

My advice is to be careful to do only what you can do, because it is the spirit of the season that is important, not making our houses look like a magazine page.  I am hoping to listen to my own advice, as well, because I would love avoiding the January Doldrums, which is what will happen if I overdo.  

Therefore, I have a proposal, which may work for some of us -- I will write a day to day account of how to do some of the enjoyable holiday things without going into meltdown. Today is a new day and I am always ready to find a way to do things better with less energy, or at least save some for later.  So get ready for a new series for those of us that haven't finished all our Christmas cleaning, shopping, baking, wrapping, and decorating.  Intertwined will be honest accounts of how things are really going in my life.  Our bodies often are nervous, panic-ridden, and in pain under pressure;  however, the goal is to enjoy a season filled with peace and joy, regardless of our circumstances.  If you can find the time, perhaps you can go to my Facebook page, Balancing Life Changes / Living Better With Chronic Illness.  I am setting a goal for myself to have one useful idea added to it each day to make our holidays easier to deal with, no matter what your age, your faith, or your circumstances are.