Family Dynamics and Holiday Visits

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Are you going to someone else's house for Thanksgiving?  Are you planning on traveling and possibly taking food you can eat with you, as well as some family favorites?  Do you have new family dynamics to deal with, such as going to your grown up child's home?  Or, maybe you are planning on visiting your parents, but mom or dad are ill.  Maybe, one parent has taken over areas that used to be dominated by the parent, who has an illness.  I am sure there are dozens of different family dynamics that we could talk about;  however, I am going to touch on a few, and we can discuss the rest over on my Facebook Page, Chronic Fatigue and Creative Decluttering.


First of all, you need to consider how far you are traveling and how.  If you are traveling in an automobile, you can consider taking food if it is not too far and you will have room in the car.  However, if you are flying that is out of the question.  Also, what you take may depend on when you plan to arrive.  If you are going for Thanksgiving weekend, are you going to arrive on the big day or prior to Thanksgiving?  This could  make a difference in whether you plan taking food or not taking food with you.

In my own case, it depends on whose house I am going to in whether I take a prepared casserole, salad, or dessert.  In the past, there was one kitchen I always felt at home in.  I knew I could go to the store, buy what I needed, and prepare some food there.  I could even prepare a whole meal if my host and hostess had no particular plans.  Let's call that Kitchen 1.

In Kitchen 2,  I knew that my nerves and the nerves of the hostess would suffer, so I contributed by helping with clean up and bringing dishes that I had made ahead.  Heating food up was no problem.  Or, my husband and I would contribute by taking the hostess out, or bringing food in from Cracker Barrel.

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In Kitchen 3, we decide who is going to make what;  and, I usually try to make things ahead.  or, I pick something up when we get there.  Also, I try to help with clean-up, such as washing the things that have to be washed by hand or loading the dishwasher.

Rules and Foibles of the Host and Hostess

1. Does your host rinse off every dish before it goes in the dishwasher?  Do it, and don't complain.  It is not worth the sorrow it causes to complain about a rule like that.  You will be frustrated and so will your host.
2. Why spend every family get together arguing about things that make little difference.  Enjoy the variety of personalities in your family.  Choose your discussions wisely.  If there must be a discussion about something that is touchy, choose the time you talk with tact and wisdom.  Also, avoid those kind of discussions during a meal.  That is a sure prescription for indigestion.
3. Does you hostess like to hang pretty little hand towels.  It's her house.  Be glad she tries to make it pretty for you.
4. Do your consider you hosts penchant for decorating a bit on the side of being a slob?  Be happy you don't have to live there, and think about a motel next time.  You could invite him or her out for a meal.  Or, maybe you could help your host by cleaning a bathroom, dusting, and vacuuming.  Make this a family affair if you have a chronic illness.  Do Not Insult Your Host or Hostess.  He will be mad, and you will feel bad.
5. Realize that we all do things differently.  Make allowances.  Be kind and stay away from snide remarks.  

Preparing Ahead of Time

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If this visit means different people will be bringing food and it is not an enormous gathering, find out ahead of time what your hostess is planning on fixing, then coordinate with other people that are coming like your sister or sister-in-law.  Maybe, your host will be the one that coordinates.  However, it is always good to plan ahead.  If you have special dietary needs, then don't expect everyone else to cater to that, unless you are blessed to have someone that already does that for you.  Plan ahead and bring something you can eat.

I am not sure I am answering all the questions that might be going through our minds at this time.  For instance, I am wondering if we should plan to stay in a hotel for one of our visits.  It would certainly help me to get the rest I need, and I would be more comfortable.  Of course, there are so many different things to consider, like how wonderful it is to share breakfast with family members or hear the voices of your grandchildren, nieces, and nephews.  You have to work this out in your own mind, according to your family's needs.




May you have many blessings and much peace as you plan your family holiday.

Deborah

Easy and Make Ahead Recipes

It's time to think about recipes.  I'm going to suggest a few that can be made several days ahead of your get-together.  And if I think of any others in the days ahead, I may add a few more.

The following is easy to make and guests go back for more.  If you have any left over, they are good for a main dish.

Easy Appetizers / Hors d'oeuvres


Easy Slow Cooker Barbecued Meatballs

2 -16 ounce packages of frozen meatballs (about 60)
1  20 ounce can of pineapple chunks undrained
1  regular sized bottle barbecue sauce (1 to 1-1/2 Cups of Sauce) I think I  
                                                         used Bulls-eye BBS) 
1  sliced or diced green bell pepper

Cook for 5 - 8 hours on low.  Slow cookers can vary in temperatures, but it would be very hard to cook these too long.  Also, if you are a creative cook you could spice these up according to your taste.  However, this is one of the easiest appetizers I have ever made.

Layered Mexican Dip

Buy a large bag of Tortilla Chips to serve along side this recipe.
All you have to do is layer the listed ingredients in the order given, then
put it in the refrigerator to heat up later or put it in the oven right away, then serve.  This is a really yummy dip.  I like it much better than the cold bean layered dip.  I put this in a 9 X 13 inch glass baking dish.

1 Can of Refried Beans (Regular Size)
Brown 1 pound Ground Beef with 1/2 Cup Chopped Onion
8 ounces Taco Sauce
1 1/2 or 2 Cups Shredded Cheese
Small Can Chopped Green Chilis (4 oz.)
Small Can Chopped Black Olives
1 Cup Sour Cream (a little tight spreading 1 cup, but can be done)
Optional:  Chopped green onion if desired

Bake at 350 degree f. for 25 minutes.  Serve with Tortilla Chips.

_____________________________________________________________

Make Ahead Dinners or Suppers

Menu

Ham, Roast, or Poultry  
      
Ham can be served cold after it is cooked.  
You could buy Whole Cooked Chicken from the Grocery Store Deli.
Or you could cook a Roast, Turkey Breast or Chicken in a Reynold's Oven Bag.  I have never had  dry meat when cooking in one of these bags.
See the directions in bags for oven temperature and cooking times.
Another choice would be cooking the meat in your slow cooker all day, but it
may be falling apart.  Remember, this is supposed to be easy.  Do what is easiest for you.  Oven Bags make clean up easier too.

Suggested seasonings:
Pork:  Garlic, Rosemary, Salt, and Pepper (Can cook this in a cooking bag too)
Chicken in the Bag:  Season inside and out.  Garlic Salt, Celery Salt, Pepper, 
                             Onion Salt, Paprika.  You can substitute Powdered Garlic
                              for Garlic Salt.  Shake seasonings on the whole chicken.
                              Follow directions for Cooking Bag.
Turkey or Turkey Breast:  You could put a cut onion and some cut stalks
                                    of celery in the cavity.  Don't fill it full.  Leave 
                                    room for heat to circulate.  Rub with butter.
                                    Salt and Pepper Turkey.

Bake sweet potatoes in oven with the main meat or poultry dish.  Serve with
butter, salt, and pepper.  Let guests butter, salt and pepper according to taste.

Or you could have Yellow Rice.  Note that most packaged yellow rice contains
MSG. 

Serve with chilled jellied and/or whole Cranberry Sauce.  Open both ends of cans for sauce to slide out in shape of can.

Possible Make Ahead Casserole for This Menu - this recipe tastes better if it sits in the refrigerator for a couple of days.  It is quite rich.

My Version of Spinach Madeleine (this is a tripled version which will fit in a 9 X
13 glass rectangular baking dish or a 3 quart casserole.  Bake without a cover. 

Ingredients
--large version for 15 to 20 people 
4 - 16 ounce bags chopped frozen spinach 
1 1/2 sticks of butter
1/4 Cup of flour plus 2 Tablespoons
1/3 finely chopped onions
1 1/3 Cups of Spinach Liquer (Juice drained from cooked Spinach)
1 - 12 ounce Can Evaporated Milk
1 Teaspoon Garlic Salt or Rounded 1/2 Teaspoon Garlic Powder
1 Teaspoon Celery Salt
1 Teaspoon Black Pepper
3 Teaspoons Worcestershire Sauce
1 3/4 Monterey Jack Pepper Cheese, cut into small chunks
1 Cup Sharp Grated Cheddar Cheese
Cayenne pepper to taste
Butter, and Breadcrumbs made with whole wheat or white bread, for topping

--regular version for 5 to 6 people fits in a 1 1/2 quart casserole
1 1/4 bag of chopped frozen spinach or 2 - 10 ounce boxes frozen spinach
1/2 stick of butter
2 tablespoons flour
2 tablespoons finely chopped onions
1/2 cup spinach liquer (juice drained from cooked spinach)
1/2 cup evaporated milk
1/2 teaspoon garlic salt or 1/4 teaspoon garlic salt
1/2 teaspoon celery salt
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
4 ounces monterey jack pepper cheese
1/3 cup sharp grated cheddar cheese
cayenne pepper to taste
Butter and Breadcrumbs, for topping


Cook spinach as directed on package; drain in strainer, reserve spinach liquid.
Melt butter in saucepan over low heat.
Whisk in flour until smooth.
Add onion; cook until soft but not brown.  Stir while cooking.
Slowly add milk and reserved spinach liquid 1/2 to 1 1/2 Cups of liquid 
     depending on how much you are making.  Stir as you add liquids.
     until sauce is smooth and thickened.
Stir in garlic salt, celery salt, pepper, Worcestershire and cheeses;  
      continue stirring until smooth.
Add Drained Spinach to Sauce, or Combine in Large Bowl.
Pour into Casserole Dish.
Make your bread crumbs with bread by tearing into small pieces. 
      Melt some butter in a saute pan and stir your bread crumbs 
      around in butter.
Spread bread crumbs over mixture in casserole dish.

If you are chilling, cool before putting in refrigerator.  Cover and leave in refrigerator one or two days.  This also freezes well.  If you use a glass casserole dish, make sure you let it come close to room temperature before putting in oven, or it might crack.  

Bake at 350 to 375 degrees for 35 minutes to 40 minutes, until bubbly.

If you are cooking in oven right away, use the cooking time below.
Bake at 350 degrees f. until heated through and bubbly, about 15 to 20 minutes.  (This recipe always tastes better after it sits in the refrigerator for one or two days.) 

Salad and Rolls could be served with this meal, but our family did not find rolls necessary.

Light Dessert  such as, Sherbet, Sorbet,  or Key Lime Pie -- delicious versions
can be bought in the grocery store.

Did I Promise a Party?

Extended Family Enjoying One Another

It is a busy time of year, so I am going to make a bare bones blog post for you to read about types of parties.  I have a feeling that I am only skimming the surface, so feel free to comment and suggest ideas.  The first ideas I am choosing for the ease of getting it together.

First things first:  forget about comparing your home to someone else's.  Some of the best parties I have been to were in small, very modestly furnished trailers or apartments.  I have also been to some wonderful parties in beautifully furnished, large homes.  There were three key components that made these parties enjoyable:  fellowship, sharing the work, and creativity.  About creativity:  if you don't feel you are a creative person, borrow ideas from me, from Pinterest, or from magazines.  Above all, keep it simple so you can have enough energy to enjoy yourself.



1.  Impromptu Parties
    . Invite some friends home from church for soup and dessert.
    . Have your neighbors over for coffee and dessert, or wine and cheese.
    . Call a couple of friends and say, "Do you have any plans for tonight or 
      tomorrow?  I'd like you to come over for  ___________."
2.  Cookie Exchange
     This takes a little more preparation, because you will have to have coffee
      or tea, or both.  Also, you could have punch.  Some easy protein such as 
      cheese squares, which you can buy already cut up and a deli-tray with  
      the celery, carrots, dip, etc. might be nice, because it offsets the   
      sweetness of cookies.  Also, it is a nice thing for the carbohydrate 
      sensitive folks you know.   You could even ask someone who has a 
      problem with eating sweets to bring some of these items, instead of 
      cookies.  Ask your guests to make their favorite Christmas cookie, 
      perhaps a couple of dozen if you invite 10 people.  It would be nice
      if everyone made enough cookies to take some home on a paper plate,
      in one of those pretty colored boxes that look like Chinese carryout  
      (can buy these at a craft store, like Michaels), or in a small plastic
      container from the  grocery store.  Ask each person to bring 10 copies
      of their recipe, which is part of the exchange.      
3.  Cold Cut Trays from the Deli, a Variety of Breads, a Variety of Mustards, 
     and Mayonaisse & Beverages. Good for a small crowd or a large crowd.       
4.  Soup, Salad, Bread, and Dessert
     Good for a crowd or a small dinner party.
5.  Finger Food Buffet
     Have your friends bring their favorite party food.  You provide paper 
     plates, plastic forks, napkins, cups, and beverages.  
     If you don't like to use throw aways, be prepared to wash dishes or let 
     some friends help.
6.  Pot Luck
    This is the same idea as Finger Food Buffet.  If you want a little more  
     control, you could ask your friends to bring a vegetable, dessert, 
     beverages, or bread.  You could provide the meat.
7.  In addition to the various kinds of parties you can have, you could also do 
     a white elephant exchange.  Each guest brings a funny, yummy, or unusual 
     gift.  Each person draws a number:  #1 goes first, unwraps his/her gift,
     then the next person #2 goes.  #2 has the option of picking a gift to 
     unwrap or take the gift  from #1.  If  #1 gets his gift taken away, he 
     chooses another gift and unwraps it.  Play the game until everyone has an   
     opportunity to choose a gift.  One of the funniest gifts I remember seemed 
     very uncharacteristic for the person who unwrapped it.  She unwrapped a 
     toilet seat with sixties' type flowers painted on it, then proceeded to set it  
     on the couch and sit on it.  We were all young married couples,  and we
     could hardly stop laughing.  What I remember about that party is the 
     fun and fellowship.  Also, my best Texas friend brought either winter     
     squash or sweet potatoes with apples in it.  That party was over thirty
     years ago, and I still remember. 

     
I hope this gave you some ideas.  Tomorrow, I will give you some ideas and recipes for a make ahead menu.

By the way, do not forget the power of deli-cheesecake, frozen pies, and cakes from the bakery.  Also, for those who are on a frugal budget: there are some delicious bean and hambone soups that I have never seen anyone turn down.

P.S. Did I remind you?  Let friends and family help.  And it doesn't have to be perfect, whatever that is -- maybe, imperfect Is perfect.

Getting Ready for Entertaining

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Another suggestion is hanging Christmas Balls
from a Chandelier at different levels or hang them
inside a window or over the headboard of a bed.

So you want to entertain this Christmas season or for New Years?  First, smile, because it is fun to decorate and plan;  moreover, it is nostalgic to sit in a room with just the Christmas lights, candlelight, and music.  If you are dreading entertaining, you need to rethink the whole thing;  because it will stress you and draw the energy right out of you.  Just visit friends and family, or go to a restaurant if the idea of having a party seems crazy at the stage of health you are in.

However, if you are going to have a party or dinner:

1.  Make a checklist of things you need to do and buy.
2.  Plan, Buy, and Cook ahead of time.
3.  Hire a decorator and a caterer.
4.  Barring the ability or desire to do number three, get the parts of your house you are going to decorate ready this week and decorate on the weekend.  Also, I have an anti-FlyLady suggestion.  If you have things sitting around that you do not have time or energy to take care of until after the holidays -- box them up and put them in the garage, attic, closet, or trunk of your car.  If you can afford it, you can always rent a storage pod or shed.  However, the danger is you will leave the things you put in the box and not unpack it.  There is a tendency to ignore stored boxes, whether stored at home or otherwise.  The box idea is a desperate measure.
5.  Make your decorating simple, not elaborate.  Candles and greenery, such as ivy, holly, or cedar looks nice on mantles and the center of tables.    Another simple and cute idea for decorations is wrapping some different sized small boxes and stacking them on dressers in the bedrooms.  This looks very festive.  In fact, you could possibly let some of those boxes contain real gifts for  Christmas Day.    Also, glass Christmas balls in a  bowl or glass containers look beautiful.  
6. Spread decorating your tree over several days if you have many ornaments.  Some day, I want to get a tree that already has the lights on it.  I love real trees, but I have not bought one for about 15 years.  The fake tree is definitely easier and it never turns brown.  Moreover, there is nothing wrong with having a small tree.  It does not make your Christmas Spirit less, because you have a small tree.  Just the fact you want to entertain, shows you have an enormous amount of Christmas spirit.  It is the fellowship that is important.  By the way, have you ever thought of putting small inexpensive Christmas presents in a wicker basket with Christmas bows on it?  That would be very cute.
7.  Your house or apartment does not have to be perfect.  You do not have to clean the oven and mop all the floors.  Your company is going to walk on those floors, and if you have children over, the floors will definitely be dirty when they leave.  I am seriously thinking of buying some antibacterial wipes for quick clean ups.  They are something I don't usually buy, but they would be nice to have for quick cleanups in the bathrooms and in the kitchen.

During the next couple of days, I will write about some easy party and menu ideas.  Also, I will try to come up with some simple last minute ideas for a spontaneous party.  Perhaps, you have some great ideas you would like to share on  my facebook page:  I would love to hear from you.

Prepare to Entertain

Decorating and entertaining during the Christmas Season can be tiring for even healthy people.  For those of us who have chronic illnesses, it is more of a challenge, but not impossible.  I will be posting ideas to make this easier for you if you are determined to do this during the holidays.  I was especially inspired by a recent comment by a fellow blogger, IlanaNovember 18, 2012 12:19 PM who wrote,
Hi Deborah! Great post, I'm really looking forward to your advice on dealing with the holidays. This is really my first year in my own house celebrating Christmas and Hannukah and I really want to be festive, have parties, and be able to bring treats to all of the gatherings--but the fatigue is a real barrier and I want to be able to enjoy and really contribute! So I do get how you're feeling! 

Since I have been married 41 years and I have had very active Fibromyalgia and other illnesses for about 18 years, I think I can come up with some ideas for you.  

1.  Write down your plans.  After you have set a date or dates for whatever kind of gathering you are going to have in your home, you should begin making a list of your theme, what kind of food you are going have, etc.

2.  Consider what you are going to be invited to:  family, friends, and business functions.  I would plan according to that.  Depending on the extent of your illness, you will probably have to pick and choose what you go to, or even leave early.  Every year since I have been ill, I end up with the January blahs.  The last few years it has taken two or three months to recover.  That is what I want to avoid this coming year, and I hope you can too.  Don't try to be wonder woman or super man.  Realism is an important element to preserving our health.

3.  If you are entertaining, enlist some help in cleaning the house and decorating.  You don't have to do it all.  In fact, the decorating does not have to be elaborate.  If you are in your first home, people are not going to expect you to have a collection of ornaments to put on your tree.  That is something that builds over the years.  And let me tell you, it is tiring to decorate;  so spread it out over two or three days or longer if necessary.  I know it is fun, but it is not worth making yourself sicker.

I can't wait to see my grandson's faces,
 when they see their decorated pictures.
Yesterday, I made them cards on the  computer.
  I am sure that must have been good craft therapy.

I am planning to share some ideas for easy parties and meals.  So check in later.  I am almost ready to go.  All I have to do is pack.  The birthday presents are wrapped -- we have two birthday boys.  The pies were made yesterday and the casserole was made on Monday.  I can hardly believe Thanksgiving is tomorrow.  

I didn't get all my little projects done, and that is OK.  I knew I had to rest and I am glad I stopped.  In the past, I would have pushed myself, even stayed up all night.  So maybe, I have learned a few lessons well.