Change Is Possible

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O my goodness! It has been ages since I have written here, but I do check in every once in a while. I just do not have as much time to write, because being more active and getting out more means less time on the computer. Also, my sleep has improved, so I am not up in the middle of the night, writing blog posts as much as I used to do. In fact, I really need to go do some house cleaning right now, so I am going to get off the computer soon. My lesson here is that I could feel guilty that I am not posting here daily anymore, but my family is important to me, and I need to care for my family and home--so I Do Not feel guilty. Also, one of the things I have been working toward in my particular journey is getting out around people more, and that takes time too.

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Actually getting out is far different than being in the house all the time, which was my plight for quite a few years. One of the projects I hope to get to this summer is to write about what I think has helped me to be able to do that. I am still working on getting out regularly. I don't know if it will never get to the point that I do not have to actually think about the process of how to get out around other people or not. I am just thankful to God that I am able to do it now; and right now, I still have to use the steps that help me do that -- baby steps.

Baby Steps can lead you into real change, but you have to be willing to do the work, which includes actually moving your body more (I am talking about getting off the couch and doing some housework or running some errands.) I am not suggesting you get into a workout program, especially without the proper physical therapy support. How you move more or where is up to you and your medical team. I found the most practical thing for me was adding a little bit of movement every day or every week, as appropriate to my physical condition. I do mine through everyday actions: cleaning, adding a few extra steps, etc. Maybe eventually, I will add in more formal physical exercises; however, I am experiencing real change, because I have been willing to move more. I have to add that the natural products I take helped me with that. To leave that out would be leaving out something that I feel was a huge breakthrough for me. The supplements I use have been fairly easy for me to get the right mix, something that would have been so hard to figure out on my own and hard to buy quality I felt I could trust in the stores. (If you want to know more about the products I use, please message me on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/ChronicFatigueandCreativeDecluttering1 )

For those of you who deal with illnesses, you may say to me that I do not understand; however, I do. It has taken years, finding the right supplements and meds, as well as working on the mental aspects of my life that had changed through illness and other things in my life. It has taken spiritual assessment and re-surrendering to Jesus/God. I am still a work in process: I will be until the day I see Jesus face to face.

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Finally, I would say, "Do not give up." Even a small amount of progress is progress. The steps backward will happen, and you will be tempted to say that this is an impossible journey; however, nothing is too hard for God. I have had plenty of steps backwards, but that just opened up an opportunity to take another step forward. It is easier than it was when I started, but every step forward leads to added achievements (small achievements add up). Sometimes, I fall into a funk and feel like a failure, but I know things are better here than they were. I keep chipping away. It is worth it. Again, I say, "It is worth it!"

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It is not just one thing that has helped me. It is a combination of things: spiritual, psychological, supplements (natural products), medication (I am actually taking less medication now), and action. I put spiritual first, because God is first in my life and I believe God has led me through this maze of life. I am on the path. Jesus is my Savior, and He did not say we would never see trouble, irregardless of what some prosperity gospel advocates and gurus seem to spout.

One of the hardest barriers to break has been panic attacks involved with going to certain places and agoraphobia. There are real psychological barriers that become entrenched in our brains. I am not going to even attempt to explain that here, but I have read about the loops that we can get stuck in; and, my understanding is there is a neurological, physical thing here involving neurons and synapses in the brain that can be broken through behavioral conditioning. I feel like I have had a small battering ram to get past some of the cyclical loops, then they tried to close in behind me to get me stuck again. I found a book that has been helpful. Also, I have a couple of other tools listed below that have been very helpful in breaking the cyclical loops caused by chemicals in the brain that affect fight and flight syndrome (anxiety and panic attacks). The reason I mention this is I know the things that hold us back can be complicated because of the mental and the physical things we have gone through (are going through). Even writing about this is starting to give me a bit of a headache: going over the past over and over again does not change a thing for me, but looking forward and taking baby steps has helped tremendously. Fearing what might come next is a fruitless exercise; but, living today as it is and taking small steps forward is life-changing.

Scriptures, Articles, and Books You May Find Helpful

• Matthew 6:25-34
• Stop Worrying about What Others Think and Set Your Mind on Christ
• Hope and Help for Your Nerves by Dr. Claire Weekes (This book has been like one of the final links in the chain of recovery for me. I wish I had discovered it years ago; however, wallowing in regret and bitterness over my path would be useless. For some reason, I never saw it in any of my counseling and research. I can only surmise that God knew I needed to walk the path I have walked to bring to my present and my future and for what reasons I went that way.)
• Coping Technique for grounding yourself if you feel an anxiety attack coming on or you are caught in a full blown panic attack.

This is not an exhaustive list. I hope you find something here you can use. There are other coping techniques that have been helpful for me in the past, but I have listed the two that I use the most now along with scripture.

A Panic Attack Over Cleaning

Yep!  The title is true:  I had a panic attack over cleaning today.

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All I did was go to a popular cleaning site, and it started.  I knew I couldn't do all the things on there, and I
was pretty sure most of my readers would say, "You are expecting unrealistic things out of me if you think I can handle this.  Then I jumped over to a couple of blogs on cleaning and decluttering, but those seemed geared to healthy people.  After that I went to a book seller's site and looked at some of the cleaning books on there.  The panic attack went from small little vibes to heart pounding in the chest.

Stop!  Off the computer!

With my heart pounding, I walked into one of my messy rooms, set my timer for 10 minutes and started working.  Feeling pretty good about that, I set it for 10 more minutes:  then, I took my shower and had to hunt for clean summer pajamas.  So now, I have a no-brainer job for tomorrow:  do some laundry.

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Why do we put off laundry?  Well, maybe you don't, and sometimes I do keep it up.  However, I let this get away from me.  We have two people here making laundry, and I have two hampers full.  That does not count the accumulating towels.

The plan for this week is to start catching up laundry.  I suggest doing no more than you will fold and put away, unless someone is going to be out of clothes to wear to work.  Laundry can be caught up doing one load a day.  The important thing is to get started.

That is only the beginning.  For more come to my facebook page, Chronic Fatigue and Creative Decluttering.

Finding a Way to Survive the Holidays

What is special about this tree?  Not the perfect placement
of ornaments or the symmetry of the branches.  The special
thing about this tree is my grandchildren helped Grandpa
put it up and they opened the Christmas boxes and placed
the ornaments on the tree for Grandma.  It was a joy watching
them have such fun, hearing them ooh and ahh over the
ornaments,  and not worrying about whether the tree was
decorated like I would do it.  Sure, I changed a few around
after they left and I added more.  But seeing this picture
reminds me of the joy and love we have for one another.

Is there anybody else out there having a love-hate relationship with the holiday season?    Please understand, when I say hate, it is not the holidays themselves that bring that word into my vocabulary;  because I have always loved everything about them--the true meaning of being thankful to God for blessings great and small, for the fulfillment of prophecy in Jesus being born for the sake of mankind, and celebrating with friends and family.  

I suppose it is the changes in my life that have made each year more of a struggle.  Maybe, it is because I am reminded that I cannot do things the way I used to do them.  Sometimes, I wonder how I ever prepared the great feasts for my family, sang in the choir, volunteered in the community,  baked cookies and pies, wrapped presents, and not only cared for my family--but I played with them too.  Any time I could think of a way to make a special day and meal, so they would feel loved and we would spend time together I found a way.  How often I have thanked God for the creative mind He gave me, because it has been so helpful in my life.

Actually, last night I felt like something was eating at me, but I didn't quite know what.  I tried to write and there was a barrier there;  but now, I know the barrier was my feeling of inadequacy.  And I felt guilty, because I have sat  in my recliner so much the past two weeks.  In fact, after I finished working on the new background and header for this blog, I felt almost like I was waking up from a dream.  I am sure that is from a mixture of the brain going to another place during the creative process;  moreover, my routine has been decimated from being sick.

I would like to have my house at least halfway shipshape before Christmas.  It doesn't have to be perfect, only almost perfect -- just kidding.  However, I can only do what I can do, and I am not going to let myself get in a tizzy over what I cannot control.  I cannot help being fatigued:  that's a major part of the illness of FM and CFIDS.   I have to take care of myself first, or I cannot take care of anyone else.  Is there anybody reading this, who has already had the struggle of which I write?  Are you already wanting to do the fun things like decorating that take so much energy, but you dread being more tired or giving out entirely?  

My advice is to be careful to do only what you can do, because it is the spirit of the season that is important, not making our houses look like a magazine page.  I am hoping to listen to my own advice, as well, because I would love avoiding the January Doldrums, which is what will happen if I overdo.  

Therefore, I have a proposal, which may work for some of us -- I will write a day to day account of how to do some of the enjoyable holiday things without going into meltdown. Today is a new day and I am always ready to find a way to do things better with less energy, or at least save some for later.  So get ready for a new series for those of us that haven't finished all our Christmas cleaning, shopping, baking, wrapping, and decorating.  Intertwined will be honest accounts of how things are really going in my life.  Our bodies often are nervous, panic-ridden, and in pain under pressure;  however, the goal is to enjoy a season filled with peace and joy, regardless of our circumstances.  If you can find the time, perhaps you can go to my Facebook page, Balancing Life Changes / Living Better With Chronic Illness.  I am setting a goal for myself to have one useful idea added to it each day to make our holidays easier to deal with, no matter what your age, your faith, or your circumstances are.