Action Step: Toolkit for Success

Introduction
Honestly, I am hoping I can make this a short blog post today.  I think we could all use that.  I have the Facebook Page up, but it took me lots of time, even though Facebook does make it easy to walk through;  but I try to do my own artwork, because I don't want to infringe on any copy-writes.  Also, I never set up a public Facebook Page before. The Facebook Page is called Balancing Life Changes / Living Better With Chronic Illness.

On to the Main Subject
Yesterday, I asked you to think about a habit you would like to work on, or one you need to work on -- just one.  Whether you are male or female;  when you have a chronic illness, especially when it is at it's worse or you have overdone,  it makes some of your brains feel like they are slogging through a fog.  In fact, I am having to focus extra hard right now, because I am having one of those days where my brain and body are extra tired.  So pick one thing, one habit you need to change.  My habit I plan to work on is setting a timer when I write.  I need to get up to do other things, to move my body or I get to stiff, and I need to rest my brain.

Your problem may be similar to when I have been extremely sick and sedentary.  My motivation was at its lowest, and taking a bath or shower was a major issue for me.  Or you may be somewhere in between my current situation and my lowest.  The basic way to change the habit is one step at a time.  And you may be surprised, one step may make you feel like taking another;   which, in turn, increases self-esteem and motivation.

I am going to keep this as simple as possible:  if you are sitting in a chair or have a hard time getting out of bed.  Yes, I know it hurts.  Just lie there and

Toolkit for Success - Adaptation

The goal of my blog posts are to encourage you and to share things I have been learning on my chronic illness journey.  Our disabilities and symptoms will not always be the same, but I have found that people who have a chronic or invisible illness often share symptoms, such as fatigue or depression.  These are two areas, with which I have struggled;  and they impacted my routines in negative ways, especially in the area of cleaning house.  I have been a Flylady fan for several years, and I have had success in using her methods to get on track again.  Being a flybaby and adapting the things I have learned from reading Marla Cilley's website have been helpful for me.  She has blessed many people in a variety of situations with her insight into FLYING, finally loving yourself.  As we travel this journey together, I would like you to think about this:  when you finally love yourself, it is a step towards loving other people better.  I am thinking I will also write something about this in my devotional blog, Take Comfort.

As you know, my week was busy last week;  and I have a little cold -- I think.   However, because my habits are improving, I know I can do some things around the house without making myself more ill.  We all have to adapt to our own circumstances, so I am not suggesting you do as I do.  No one knows how your body reacts better than yourself.  I have learned I must listen to my body.  There are times I need complete rest.  You need to adapt what you learn to your circumstances, just as I have.  I am not a doctor, a therapist, or any kind of medical professional.  I am a pilgrim on a journey to improving the way I live my life, so I hope we can have a dialogue during this series of blog posts.One of the things I want you to keep in mind, as you read,  is that I am trying to lay a foundation to work from in this blog post.  Or perhaps, we could call it a blueprint.  

The answers to changing habits and finding what works for you and me takes time.  And I do not want you to be discouraged, because it is a process which does not happen overnight.  However, when the light comes on, that change is possible, that one does not have to stay stuck, it is liberating.

I have been developing a Toolkit through the years,

A Special Day with Family

I promised to start writing more about being a flybaby;  however, I'm not home to do that at the moment.  Instead, I am doing something all grandparents need to take time for.  I am visiting my daughter, her husband, and my grandchildren.  My husband had to go to their part of the country to sing and play his trombone in a concert, so it was the perfect opportunity to drop in for an overnight visit.

Not long ago, there was about a year and  a half I could not travel to visit my family. I somtimes felt very guilty about that.  But I was able to talk to them on the telephone and email them.  Also, they came to visit, and that was lovely. But when they came to visit, I had to deal with  tremendous post exertional fatigue.  However, it was worth it to me to have spent time with my family.  I wanted to know my grandchildren, and they wanted to know me.



Do you find ways to manage spending special 
times with your family?

I know that some people reading my blog posts are dealing with chronic illness and have young children or teenagers  at home.  I empathize with you.  It must be horribly difficult to deal with serious illnesses and care for your family. 

The daughter, we are visiting now has 7 children, 3 of them are special needs children.   I am impressed by the way my daughter organizes their household.  Routines are a very important part of keeping their home from being mass chaos.  Also, they are careful not to be ruled by things or as one grandaughter would say, "Stuff!"    I think a certain amount of simplicity in the home breeds a peaceful atmosphere, and the children have ways to contribute to the household.  They are each assigned daily short tasks that help to make their house a pleasant place to live.  They each have to make their beds, with the older children helping the younger children.  One child  sweeps the kitchen floor. The oldest boy vacuums the few areas that are carpeted.  Another child empties the wastebaskets.  My daughter does a load of laundry every day, and the children fold the clothes and put their own clothes away if they are old enough.  I thought it was sweet when my daughter gave us towels last night and she apologetically said, "They aren't folded perfectly because the girls folded them, but they were folded with love."

My response to that was that it didn't bother me:  I don't expect them to be perfect.  The children are not frustrated by a mindset that everything has to be done just like an adult would do it.  Instead, they are enjoying the fruit of accomplishing tasks that benefit their home and family.

We could apply this idea to our own lives as well.  I used to try to do everything perfectly, and if it did not turn out to fit my idea of perfection, I would apologize.  For example, I would actually refold the towels if they were not folded a certain way, so they would line up perfectly in my linen closet.  I know that sounds obsessive, but that is how I was taught to fold towels.  In fact, I remember while I grew up, there was an emphasis on doing things a certain way -- while I wondered why it mattered if I got the same results.   I think I carried this perfectionism into my everyday life.  And I still catch myself trying to do certain things perfectly, whether it matters or not.

Since I have been ill, I have had to give myself a break. But I also,  I have had to actively remind myself when I began to fall into perfectionistic behavior.  FlyLady has a saying I love:  Housework done incorrectly still blesses your family.  Simply put, I think that means to do what you can, but then be happy with it.  Sometimes, perfectionists avoid what  they know needs doing;  and then, when the pressure of having to get a task done builds up, they exhaust themselves by trying to get the job done in a short amount of time.  And of course, they work on doing it perfectly, even if it takes all night.  I'm the expert on that method.  LOL!

Fly-baby Deborah's Journey Out of CHAOS

Hello again!  If you read my last post and clicked on the word, CHAOS, you should have discovered FlyLady, Marla Cilley's website.  I discovered FlyLady.net about 6 years ago, and I thought I would be a genuine reformed fly-baby long before now, but I am not.

I suppose the general consensus is that a person was a slob before having found FlyLady, but that is not necessarily true.  Most of us manage to have a reasonably clean house, until something happens that turns things upside down.  For me, it was chronic illness, which gradually grew worse.  The depression that came with the illness did not help.  I had no motivation, and I had no energy.  That was not a good equation for keeping one’s house clean and uncluttered. 

First of all, for the uninitiated, CHAOS is an acronym for can’t have anyone over syndrome.   That absolutely says it all.  I would have felt like I was going to die a thousand deaths over the embarrassment of having someone walk in my house after I got sick.  And on my good days, I managed to make myself feel more ill by doing a marathon cleaning job.  At the time, I didn’t think Depression or Fibromyalgia should keep me from getting my housework done.   I couldn’t figure out why I had long periods afterwards, that I couldn’t do anything.  I also found out I have a liver disease called NASH.   Furthermore, I found out I have Hypothyroidism and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome;  so, I got in this cycle of letting the clutter pile and waiting to feel good enough to do something about it.  Obviously, I needed to find a better way.  My self-esteem was going down the drain quickly!

So what happened after I found FlyLady?  Did I go through her thirty-one day plan and become renewed and revamped?  I wish I could say I did, but it wasn't quite that easy for me.  It was kind of like yo-yo dieting.  I didn't have the energy to stick to the plan every day.  Some days I didn't feel like taking a shower, much less getting out of my pajamas.  I had to find a way I could do this at my own speed.  That is what I am going to share with you.  You are going to read how I adapted FlyLady’s excellent plan to my own life.  Moreover, I am still working on it.  Let’s see if we can share the things that are helping us manage our lives better – our lives as they are now.