Relaxing into Change, Not Fighting A Battle

This morning, not soon after I woke up, I started thinking about the title of yesterday's blog post, Fighting the Battle.  Sometimes, the word fighting may evoke angst and anxiety in individuals.  Personally, I think a constant battle would be exhausting, both emotionally and physically;  therefore, I think it is wise to have way to reframe thoughts on the words I am telling myself.

When I used the term fighting the battle, I was thinking of the grit it often takes to get on with life.  However, that grit does not have to require raising one's cortisol level, nor demand pushing through despite any pain and anxiety you may feel.  You may actually prepare your brain better for what you want to achieve by relaxing first.  Here are some ideas I have used.

• Get comfortable in a relaxed sitting position.  You can gently recline if that is best for you.
• Take easy, deep breaths.  Breathe in through your nose, and Count 1, 2, 3, 4.  Hold 1, 2, 3, 4.  Let breath out through your mouth 1,2, 3, 4.  Repeat several times.
• Picture one thing you want to achieve and the steps to do it.
• Now, envision doing the first step and do just that one step.  You can continue on in this manner through each step, and you may find that what seemed so hard to do is easier than you felt before you changed your mindset about it.

Another method I have used that gives me some visual cues to encourage me when I don't feel like cleaning house is focusing on one or two things that I want to do.  Say I want to clear the dining room table of the stack that has grown there -- I can pick up an item, then put it away or throw it away, as I walk through that room.  After I have done this several times, I have often been able to see the difference and I have not felt overwhelmed.  In fact, I usually want to do more.  

Note that it may take more than one picking up trip by the table to see the difference;  however, congratulate yourself when trying this for taking each step:  it's a good feeling and rewarding to see the pile get smaller.  If you have a physical disability that requires pacing yourself, then make sure you limit the time spent working to your present ability.  After a while, you may find you have built some physical endurance from the activity, as well as having eliminated the overwhelmed feeling you used to get from believing you have to clean the whole table or clean the whole room at once.

These two methods, that include preparing yourself to get a job done or simply picking one focused thing to do, are techniques that can help you break out of feeling frozen in a do nothing or a do little state without overwhelming pressure.  This is relaxing into changing habits by a slow immersion, rather than pushing yourself into an anxiety attack.  These are easily applicable Baby Steps that can be expanded into longer steps as you feel more comfortable with the habits you are working on.  

Do You Ever Fake It Til You Make It?

Image Courtesy of artur84
www.freedigitalphotos.net

Today, I want to share an article, which I will list at the end of this page.  I think it sums up some of what we have to do when we are working on our habits and our attitudes.  I can think of many excellent ways to apply the information by Karen Koenig, therapist and author of Normal Eating.   Practice:  does it ever end?  Sometimes, I think not, as I learn and hopefully improve my own actions, thoughts, and feelings in life.

However, I have to admit I do have an aversion to being fake, so where do I draw the line?  I want to be authentic.  Is there a place you draw the line?

Let's explore that by listing some of the ways we might "fake it 'til we make it."  Perhaps you can add some ways you have done this in our discussion on facebook or here in our comments.

Ways I have or am working on faking it until I make it:

• I am not totally sure this applies, because it is such an ongoing thing, and I honestly do keep working at this;  however, I am not completely there (wherever there is) yet.  It is the area of keeping down clutter in the house.  I have made such wonderful progress over the last five years in that area;  however, sometimes my house gets out of hand when I am working on a project or life takes over in unexpected ways.  Then, I have to regroup; and, I used to feel like I was starting all over again, but that has changed.  Now, I have all the habits and things I have learned and relearned whch fall back into place so much easier than before.  Moreover, I have made such great progress in getting rid of years of stuff that I think most people tend to save if they have room, which we do not have in this particular house.  I am not done yet, but I am closer.  And, it is actually fun when you realize that you are freer by being able to get rid of the detritus.
• Emotions is a hot topic.  But, I have a body that gets that cortisol thing going when I get anxious and upset.  It starts a cycle that can get out of hand, because it hurts so much.  I hate that chemicals in our body have such power over our physical selves and our brains;  but, I am certain that is part of my genetic makeup.  And, it also is part of what makes me sensitive to how others feel.  The things that help me and have helped me in the past are: prayer, scripture, relaxation techiniques, running (I can't do that now), walking on the beach or in a park, reading, even playing a game (unless the computer is fueling my anxiety), doing a crossword puzzle, cleaning house.  Ha, ha, I never thought that last one would show up on my list, but if clutter is the source of the anxiety it makes me feel better to have neat and organized surroundings

My list is not exhaustive, because I only meant it as an example, and I am not so concerned with the past, so much as how this can help us now.  Although, I did think about one that applies that happened to me today.  My dog is super sensitive to my emotions.  She even gets diarrhea when I am upset.  I am pretty sure that is the connection to her tummy problem.  Today, I was dealing with something that has had my cortisol flowing like crazy streams.  My anxiety was palpable, like you could touch it.  And, I saw her cringe.  I realized she was feeling my upset.  So, "Fake It Until I Make It"  went into immediate action.  We have a game where I say, "Let's cuddle-buddle."  She jumps on the bed.  I lay across it, and she gets a tummy rub.  It started when I was not able to get down on the floor before my hip surgery when she was a puppy.  She is the only dog that has ever been allowed on the furniture or in the bed.  I realize I have totally spoiled her in that one way.  

The thing is the actions I took with our dog actually helped me feel better.  Now, I am writing and I feel pretty good.  Admittedly, I took half of a pill for anxiety, but this time I had to.  I am so glad that panic attacks are not something that regularly happen to me anymore, but I do keep my medicine on hand for the rare moments.  Lately, I have cut them in half, because I so rarely need them, a whole tab makes me feel sleepy.  From my view, that is progress.  

I hope this helps you in some way.  I can see many ways to apply Koenig's excellent article.  I am so glad she reached out past her practice to help people.  She could not possibly see all the people she has encouraged.  Here is the link:  Fake It Til You Make It Equals Practice.