Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Looking for Balance and Saying Bye to the Moody Blues

I chose this picture, because it reminded me of balance.
I have let my life get out of balance, and I am ready
to truly work on me.  I need to work on me.
It's alright to take the time to concentrate on yourself,
because caring for one's self when you have a
chronic  illness can be a full-time job.  
Sometimes, it takes a special effort to get back on track.
{ Image Courtesy of  [Ambro] / FreeDigitalPhotos.net }

Do you ever get so tired of doing something for yourself, you only do it half-heartedly or not at all?  I hope you are saying yes, because I don't want to be the only one sluffing off on my duty to care for myself.  Oh dear, I just realized how awful that sounds, because I don't want you to stop caring for yourself either.  Forgive me for the misery loves company bit:  if you are doing everything right, I am so pleased you are doing better than me in this area.

For the last few weeks, I have found my depression getting worse.  Usually, if I am patient and wait it out, I get back on the right track;  however, my lack of motivation has been affecting me in enough ways, that I know I am depressed.  This is common in chronic illnesses, and it is sometimes surprising that we fair as well as we do.  However, I think with proper medical counseling, as well as mental counseling at sometime, one can find a way through the emotions of loss and frustration.  I have done both during the years I have struggled with being ill; but this time, I have had to take responsibility and look at my situation, even though I wanted to ignore it.

The other strong support is spiritual support, which is something I have been avoiding the last few weeks, except for brief forays into reading my Bible and praying.  Of course, I also believe in praying without ceasing, but that is hard to do when you bring a cacophony of noise into your life through computer, television, and novels, and you ignore the truly important things.  Why I do that is something I do not understand, unless I am trying to hide from the things I really need to look at.

So, what is my revelation?  It is simple and I had not even considered it over the last month.  I had considered my lack of care for myself.  I had grown lazy about taking my meds and supplements.  I was non-compliant and tired of swallowing pills, so I constantly put off making this important in my life.  Therefore, this weekend I filled up my pill containers, and I am taking them at meal times.

However, today I had the big revelation.  I had quit taking my fish oil. For some reason, I had read something online saying it did not really do anything;  and, I found that a wonderful excuse to stop swallowing that capsule.   However, I have found many more articles that support taking fish oil for depression.  And, I know I was doing better before I stopped.  So today, I am starting with 2 capsules containing 2400 mg. twice a day.  I will let you know if I feel any improvement in a few weeks.  I will be your guinea pig.  If I forget to let you know the results, remind me.

When living with chronic illness, it is extremely important to care for yourself.  How can you do the things you want to do for your loved ones and take care of your home, as well as other things you desire to do, when you do not care for yourself?  I don't need to answer that one, do I?

I am adding a simple list to encourage anyone that is in a low place right now.  Perhaps, you need to make your own list.  Your goals may be different than mine.

Things I Want to Work On
  1. Prepare medicine and supplements for the week ahead of time.  Keep them by the place you usually eat.
  2. Brush your teeth daily and take a shower at least every other day, depending on necessity.
  3. Dress in clothes everyday.  I know I said it is ok to have pajama days;  however, many people do not truly feel  ready for working in pajamas -- even doing housework.  It is too easy to sit, because we relate pj's with rest.
  4. 1 - 3 jobs a day minimum for those that are able would be a good goal.  1 one of those jobs can be getting out of the house.  I know I spend far too much time in my home.  Later, maybe we can explore things to do when we get of the house.  I am aiming for 3 jobs a day, because I have felt physically ready for a couple of weeks.  
  5. Plan a treat for finishing your chores.  And remember, we are aiming for done -- not perfect.  After all, we live in our homes:  they will not continually look like a magazine page, if they ever did.  Enjoy your home.  (Your home may or may not look like a magazine page, but somehow magazine pages are always a little too perfect for how mine ends up.  Sometimes, some smart person will add something to make a house looked lived in, but I am betting most photographed houses do not stay that way.)


  1. AMEN on all fronts! Having depression issues as well lately as change of seasons is hard to dystonia therefore also kicks CFS into higher gear. Just get sick & tired of being sick & tired sometimes, I guess. Blessedly my parents' legacy to us kids is a deep faith....despite my "hiding from God" at times . ;) I also have a great therapist I've gone to for years plus Hubsters is my rock & the best listener in the world. Here's hoping the dark cloud over our heads lifts & unveils a more uplifting clarity... thanks for being so honest as helps so many of us.

    1. Sheila, I appreciate your comment so much; because, it is so very true. We do get sick of being sick and tired, especially when we are slow in getting back energy after an extra illness or stressful situation. I also find I that I am so hard on myself at times, that I am not doing this or that. God loves you and me for us, not the "perfect" people we want to be. I am so thankful for that.


It's always lovely hearing from you. xoxo, Deborah