Ask for Help! Chores That Take More Than One Person

My husband and I are blessed to have a Sleep Number bed, and we have enjoyed it for about ten years.  We got it when I was in the height of pain, and I could not stand to be touched.  All of those who have uncontrolled Fibromyalgia know what I am talking about.  Anyway, a few weeks ago, I pushed the button to let some air out, and I had a rude middle of the night experience, which meant I had to wake up my husband.  All the air had gone out of my side as I adjusted the bed, and I couldn't stop it.  That is the only time that has happened to me, and I think it is because the plug to the air unit was knocked loose at the same time I was adjusting the air.  We have one of the older models, so our beds air control is not remote.  My sister has one that has a remote with no cord, and that is awesome.

In the process, I got a view of the unit that puts the air into the mattress.  I usually cannot see it, and you know that old saying, "Out of sight, out of mind."  I bet I had not cleaned it off for five years.  Gross, huh?  It was so dusty, and I determined that I would do it.

When But I Would Rather Do It Myself Is No Longer An Option
However, in my wiser, older age, I knew that pushing and pulling the bed around would not be a smart thing to do.  It's a very heavy bed, and I needed help;  so, I saved the job for a Saturday, when my husband had time to help.   Neither of us were thrilled about doing this any day of the week, much less on a Saturday.  However, my DH (dear husband) knew it was the best thing to do for both of us.

I hope you have someone in your life that can help you with the jobs that are too big for one.  If he had not been here to help, I would have not been able to clean as quickly or as thoroughly as I did today.  I thought about the dust, and how often you will find an elderly person's home terribly dusty.  It is probably because he  or she has a hard time dusting, and can only do a minimal job.  That may be me someday, but as long as I can keep the dust mites at bay, I am going to do my best.  The job may not be perfect every time, but regular dusting and vacuuming make a difference.

Remember to ask someone to help you when you have a two person job.  Even if it is just to help with moving a couple of things, speak up.  You might be surprised if you ask a loved one or a friend if they have time to help.  I also think it would be valid to call a handyman to do a heavy job.  For those who cannot afford to call a handyman, perhaps your church has a deacon's ministry or a men's ministry that will help out their widows and widowers, as well as those who are disabled or quite elderly.

People do not know what you need if you are unwilling to ask for help.   A good example of this would be one of my elderly neighbors.  I know she grows weary of asking for help, but we want to help her.  Recently, she called because her garbage pickup container had fallen over, and she cannot hoist that thing up.  It is just two awkward for her, and she might fall.  I knew I could do it, because I have washed mine out when it was empty, and I assured her I could easily do it.  She is so sweet, because she was worried I would fall.  What I notice about helping others is it makes me happy.  So when you need help, remember that it is also a blessing to those who are willing to serve when you give them the opportunity to do that.

Holiday Color, Speaking of Hair

Last week, I not only felt sick:  I wanted to look good with the least amount of effort.  I was tired of having wet hair hanging on my neck from going into sweats -- not perspiration, ladies and gentlemen -- but out and out sweats that made my hair feel like I had poured water over it.  So with much trepidation, I asked my husband to drive me to the hair salon to perform the dastardly deed. Yes, I let the stylist cut my hair short.  It took me a week to tell anyone I had it done.  I am blessed to have a husband that tells me to keep things simple.  If I was happy with short hair, so was he.

Please don't think I am telling anyone this is the answer to simple.  We all have our own answers to what hairstyles work best for us according to hair type and face shape.  I had just come to that moment I had to have a different hairstyle.  I felt sick, old, and frumpy;  and I know all I had to do was  fix my hair.  However, wet hair on the neck ruins the hairstyle and makes me cold. Plus, i didn't feel like fixing it.  Maybe, it was one of those woman things:  I needed a change.  And hair does grow, so I could let it grow again if I got tired of it.  I also have to admit to having browsed wigs on the internet.  Cutting my hair was an adjustment:  having another option sounded good too.  

My head felt like it had lost 5 pounds.  Woo hoo!  It felt good.  But was I satisfied with that?  Of course not, so yesterday, I bought a highlighter kit.  I was not paying forty dollars to pull a few pieces of hair through a cap, especially if my husband would help me pull strands through the holes.  I knew I would be stressed if I did it by myself.  So you know who helped me.  True love has got to be your husband of 41 years or any amount of years agreeing to help you color your hair.  This was a first for us and it was actually kind of fun.  Did I mention we are on a tight budget?  He was all for saving thirty-five dollars.

Now, for the warning:  read your directions first.  If you haven't colored your hair for a long time and you are having brain fog, let your husband read the directions too.  Or check off each item as you do it in addition to reading the directions first.  Why am I telling you this?  I read the directions through, mixed the Frosting Developer and the Lightening Powder in the little tub.  Then, we put it on my hair and left it.   After the time was up, my husband helped me rinse and shampoo in the kitchen sink.  Then I put the conditioner on and it felt strange.  My brain went into oh-oh mode, I put my glasses on, and I realized i was supposed to mix the "conditioner", which was Protective cream in with the developer and powder.  We both mildly panicked and my DH said nervously, "We better get that stuff out of your hair fast."  So we shampooed again.

The stories we all have about Brain Fog could probably fill volumes.  My hair looks fine  (whew!), I like the highlights, and I feel one step closer to making the holidays easier.  Also, I made it to our Worship Services this morning, without feeling stressed, hurried, and nervous.  An hour ago, I emptied out another moving box:  it felt like early Christmas.  Life is Good, even with brain fog.

Letting Others Bless Us

When I was well, I would have considered helping someone else an honor;  moreover, I still would love to be able to bless someone else, so far as I am able.  I think most of us feel that way;  however, I have had to accept help in areas that I considered my domain as a professional homemaker.  I did not want to even acknowledge I need help.  Letting go started gradually--my husband vacuuming, cooking supper, or cleaning the kitchen because I was too fatigued.  He has even done laundry.  Not that there is anything wrong about a man doing those things--it was just hard giving up my jobs on a regular basis.  I had gotten used to doing things my way.

What is going on?  Where did my furniture go?

My most recent area of giving up things that have always been my area of expertise is in the area of moving.  I have dreaded this move with a deep, stomach turning, hurting heart kind of dread.  The primary reason is my pride and knowing I could not do it myself.  In the past, I packed most of the boxes, and I even picked up boxes to stack them.  However, now I cannot pick up most boxes that I used to heave.  Also, I worried about how we were going to get everything done when we could not afford movers.

I agonized over one of my daughters and her family coming to help us move some of our things;  however, it turned out to be a  wonderful blessing.  We had a good visit; and I think the only things I cooked were a salad and a chocolate cake, which my 6 year old granddaughter helped me frost.  My daughter brought food and I bought frozen lasagna.  Hurrah for frozen foods and daughters that cook!  My son-in-law, grandsons, and granddaughters helped my  husband move boxes from our attic to our new house, as well as moving some furniture and other items.  My daughter packed things, which I myself would have packed in the past.     That wore me out;  and I didn't pack anything!   In fact, I didn't pack very many boxes until this week.  I have been packing one, two, or three boxes a day, and I consider that an accomplishment. 


I am thankful that I can do more than I did two years ago, which is due to having learned to pace myself, as well as letting the guilt go.  This is one of the most important things I want to impart to you:  let the guilt go.  Carrying false guilt is debilitating physically and emotionally.   It was false guilt and pride that caused me to worry about my family helping me.  The emotional energy of feeling guilty when you should not, drains you of more physical energy;  and it pulls you down into feelings of depression.  I know because I have been there; and, it was oh so sweet when I let that icky feeling go.  In fact, I have to actively continue to let that false guilt go--to push it away.    

Finally, don't let your pride keep you from letting other people help you.  Saturday morning, men from our church are going to come and help my husband move the rest of the furniture.  I still am not quite sure what I am going to do with myself;  but, if I have to,  I am going to sit in my recliner with my feet up.  Hopefully, I will not feel a bit of guilt. 

The Bible says in Phillippians 4: 6-7, Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus (NASB, 1995).   I memorized this verse as a young military wife, and I still need to continually put the wisdom of this passage into action.   So often  we pick up all our worries and try to carry them alone, but this is not what God wants for us.  God wants to give us His peace:  it is there for the asking.