Admitting Something Is Too Much, Even When It Makes You Cry

Remember last week, when I was all excited about bringing the kitten home from the veterinarian's office.  I thought I could handle one little kitten, and I was determined to do it, even when one day in, I was extended beyond my energy level. Every morning, I kept telling myself, it was a good one;  and then, I crashed.

I am very glad the animal doctor said, "You can bring the kitten back if it doesn't work out."   She meant if my husband said, "No." Which he did not say.

However, I can see I am not kitten mommy material anymore.  A kitten is one more responsibility I do not need.  As delightful as the cat baby was, it was taking too much energy from me.  When I am unable to do some of my household duties, my husband assumes some of the responsibilities that were always my domain;  and, he did not need to care for a cat too, which was starting to happen.  

I admitted to him last night that I knew the kitten was taxing me beyond the number of spoons I have, so I had to make a decision.  Today, I called the veterinarian, and the kitty went back.  I pray she finds a good home with someone that gives her as much love, as she is willing to give back. 

It's hard to admit I cannot do the kitty mommy thing, but that is just the way it is.  It was hard when I had to give up other things too.  So, I cried.  But, I know I did the right thing for the kitten and us.  It is important to be considerate of my husband, who is often thrown into the role of caregiver.

It will be interesting if some of the stress that I felt building up lessens after making this decision.  It was the grown-up thing to do.  Hmm....I guess it was part of that magical thinking I had last week.  

Have you ever felt like you could take something on;  and then, you realized it was more than you should have planned to do?   Did you let your heart take over;  and then, you took a hit at your self-esteem?

I admit to telling myself, "I'm a bad kitten mommy."  But the truth is that I am a conscientious and loving person, who did not want to say, "I am too ill for this."  That is what I did not want to admit.    

Why am I telling you this?  Because, there are times we have to be honest and admit that as much as we like the idea of doing something or would like to if we were healthy, it is all right to say, "No!"  Deciding it is not a good idea to add a pet to your home or take on a new responsibility should not make you feel like a negligent or a bad person.  Only you can decide what is right for your body and situation.  Don't ever feel bad for utilizing the wisdom you have gained over the years.  This is your right and your responsibility.  Wear it well, and take care of yourself.

~Deborah~