Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Admitting Something Is Too Much, Even When It Makes You Cry

Remember last week, when I was all excited about bringing the kitten home from the veterinarian's office.  I thought I could handle one little kitten, and I was determined to do it, even when one day in, I was extended beyond my energy level. Every morning, I kept telling myself, it was a good one;  and then, I crashed.

I am very glad the animal doctor said, "You can bring the kitten back if it doesn't work out."   She meant if my husband said, "No." Which he did not say.

However, I can see I am not kitten mommy material anymore.  A kitten is one more responsibility I do not need.  As delightful as the cat baby was, it was taking too much energy from me.  When I am unable to do some of my household duties, my husband assumes some of the responsibilities that were always my domain;  and, he did not need to care for a cat too, which was starting to happen.  

I admitted to him last night that I knew the kitten was taxing me beyond the number of spoons I have, so I had to make a decision.  Today, I called the veterinarian, and the kitty went back.  I pray she finds a good home with someone that gives her as much love, as she is willing to give back. 

It's hard to admit I cannot do the kitty mommy thing, but that is just the way it is.  It was hard when I had to give up other things too.  So, I cried.  But, I know I did the right thing for the kitten and us.  It is important to be considerate of my husband, who is often thrown into the role of caregiver.

It will be interesting if some of the stress that I felt building up lessens after making this decision.  It was the grown-up thing to do.  Hmm....I guess it was part of that magical thinking I had last week.  

Have you ever felt like you could take something on;  and then, you realized it was more than you should have planned to do?   Did you let your heart take over;  and then, you took a hit at your self-esteem?

I admit to telling myself, "I'm a bad kitten mommy."  But the truth is that I am a conscientious and loving person, who did not want to say, "I am too ill for this."  That is what I did not want to admit.    

Why am I telling you this?  Because, there are times we have to be honest and admit that as much as we like the idea of doing something or would like to if we were healthy, it is all right to say, "No!"  Deciding it is not a good idea to add a pet to your home or take on a new responsibility should not make you feel like a negligent or a bad person.  Only you can decide what is right for your body and situation.  Don't ever feel bad for utilizing the wisdom you have gained over the years.  This is your right and your responsibility.  Wear it well, and take care of yourself.

~Deborah~

12 comments:

  1. I am amazed at the timing of your post. The kitten picture you posted looks exactly like one of the cats that I just gave up. I completely understand what you are going through. I had FIVE animals.......two dogs and three cats...acquired over time, when circumstances were much different for me. I just had to give up the dogs and two of the cats because I can't afford to feed or vet them anymore. The pain of Fibro was bad enough. And then I added severe arthritis in both knees. And now I found out that I have a significant back problem that is only going to get worse. It has all gotten to be too much, and I finally had to make a very this awful, painful decision. My heart is broken. I know that it was the only decision I could make for my animals. I hate these illnesses. I hate what it costs us. And I hate that most people just don't understand what we have to go through.

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    1. Your understanding means so much to me. We love our fur-babies, and there are people that don't even understand that either, although I think most do.

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    2. I did the same sort of thing. I fostered a kitten for one afternoon and night. I thought I would end up keeping her, but I had to let her go the next day. I did get a cat that had been abandoned, and I love her to pieces. Way easier to take care of than a kitten. I want a dog soooo bad, but Si know I can't give the care a dog deserves. You did the right thing. I look up to you so much. You are able to accomplish a great deal. Thank you for sharing. It helps. :)

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    3. Laura, I'm glad you have a cat that is an adult. As cute as kittens are, they do need quite a lot of attention. In fact, the little one I had practically demanded it. I called our 17 year old cat, who died last year, our comfort cat and The Queen. She was amazing in that she knew when someone needed her close by.

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  2. You're not a bad kitten mommy, you simply don't have the energy to be a kitten mommy. It was selfless of you to think of your hubby and the added responsibility taking care of a pet would add to his every day. You absolutely did the right thing for you and yours. We do have to know our limitations and live within them in order to be as happy and productive as we can be while still living with fibromyalgia. My hubby took over the pet chores because he truly enjoys being the one that feeds, waters and takes our Jack Russell Terrier out to do her "good girl things" (I had her when my new hubby and I met). She instantly took to him so it was a mutual decision between the two of them. lol However, it did relieve me of one more responsibility. Now I just get to enjoy holding and petting and spoiling her and I do occasionally take her outside to potty. However, I still have the not-so-pleasant chore of sweeping or vacuuming up her fur that seems to get just everywhere! We have both decided that once she grows old and is gone we will not have another pet. They give us so much but they are indeed also a responsibility and they make traveling a bit more of a challenge as well. I'm sure your cute little kitty will find a good home. As a fellow fibromyalgia sufferer, I always enjoy your posts and your website. :-)

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    1. My husband has also taken over most of the pet chores for our dog. Usually, I do her medicine, when she needs it; but, he ended up taking that over this week. Thank you for the encouragement.

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  3. I totally understand your sadness. I struggle every day to care for my animals (2 ponies, 2 dogs, 4 cats, 1 guinea pig) and a couple of years ago the ponies had to go to temporary homes for a few months. I know if that happened again, they would not be coming home. I love them all, but I am looking forward to the day when I am animal free. They keep me active, but also exhausted and no money! Ali x

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    1. What to do about having pets is a decision that all of us animal lovers probably have to come to at some time in our lives.

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  4. Your courage gives me the strength to say 'i'm just not up to it" "I'm just to ill for that". I find it very painful to say to myself and others don't always have the right to know the "why" of it. Thanks for your post

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    1. I think the kitten was a reality check. Every once in a while, I get those.

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  5. I can totally relate. I have been taking care of a sick kitty for the last year, stressed to my limit with worry and sadness and guilt that I could not afford to keep taking him to the vet for blood test etc, that would just cost too much for me to afford. Doing everything I could at home to find food that would agree with his tummy. Making him extra fluffy beds and cushions to make him as comfortable as I could till it was time to put him down. Having to let him go was so difficult, that I thought I would have a breakdown or something. But once the heart breaking pain of losing him started to subside, I noticed a weight has left my body. I didn't realize how much stress it was putting me under to try and care for him. I am so gratefull that I had another year with him still in my life, and the opportunity to pamper him and take care of him to the end. But it has really wakened me up to the stress levels I lived under, taking care of sick and failing pets. Some times we just have to let them go for us to have that energy that was focused on them, back for our own health. Was having a conversation with my mom just yesterday about how long it takes us both ( with out health issues) to do water changes and such with our fish tanks. And said that if I gave up my tank it would save me both energy and money to maintain it. She said, with the money I have invested in it over the years, I shouldn't just give it up. I said, with the energy it takes and money it costs to maintain it, ( with carrying water buckets and buying filter media and such, every few months, ) selling it and being done with the entire expense could be the way to go. For now the fish tank stays, but I do realize at some point, I might just decide to put an add in kijji and sell it. When it becomes more of a burden than the calming enjoyment it now brings to me. We always have to take into consideration what is best for us at this time and point in our lives. Hope your kitty finds a good home with some young person or family who have a lot of energy and years to dedicate to a forever kitty.

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It's always lovely hearing from you. xoxo, Deborah